


If I Gave You my Heart, Would You Break it?

by DisasterLesbean



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Healing, Living Together, Multi, Polyamory, Sharing a Bed, Vampire Tara, season 6 AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:01:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 31,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25010563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DisasterLesbean/pseuds/DisasterLesbean
Summary: “I bet you’ve heard this one, Blondie. A soulless vampire, a black magic addict, and a rogue slayer on the mend all get locked in a house together.”“What’s the punchline?”“We’re fucking living it.”
Relationships: Faith Lehane/Tara Maclay, Faith Lehane/Tara Maclay/Willow Rosenberg, Faith Lehane/Willow Rosenberg, Tara Maclay/Willow Rosenberg
Comments: 21
Kudos: 103





	1. Something Just Isn't Right

The last person she expects to see waiting behind the glass is Buffy.

“We need your help.” Normally hearing Buffy say that would give her goosebumps.

“You’re a mess.” Faith isn’t lying. 

Buffy’s brow deepens and her lips thin. One sentence in and Faith’s already got Buffy pissed at her, great. She should get an Olympic medal for getting on Buffy’s nerves. “Are you gonna help?” Buffy’s voice is tighter as her patience runs out. 

“No games? I’ll put my toys away.” Faith grins with her comment and Buffy’s jaw locks. Buffy exhales and loosens, trying to calm herself down. “Seriously though, B. What’s wrong?” Faith’s gaze tracks the dark smudges underneath Buffy’s eyes and the way she looks like one good hit would drop her. Faith’s a big enough person to admit this is when her concern really kicks in.

“We have a…situation.” Buffy’s jaw clenches again and for a whole moment Faith’s afraid she’s gonna cry. She doesn’t like the way her stomach turns at the thought. 

“Worse than you dying?” Faith asks, a hint of bitterness in her tone. Sure, she doesn’t have the best relationship with the Sunnydale crew but a notice would have been nice. Instead she had to learn through months of emptiness, a hollowed out bond. 

Buffy flinches and her expressions shuts down even more. “Yes?” 

“That a statement or a question?”

“Tara, Willow’s girlfriend and our friend, got turned.”

“Turned like fangs?”

“Yes. Other than Jesse or the stray alternate universe vampire friend, we’ve never had to deal with it before.” That’s gotta be rough. It’s worse than someone just dying, Faith thinks. If Tara died they’d have a body to bury and memories to mourn. Instead they have a walking corpse without a soul, one that desecrates the memory of Tara. 

“Can’t kill her?” She gets it, she isn’t judging. She’s never been a fan of Buffy’s lighter take on vampires but Faith is close with the big guy now. She knows vampires can be more. Thing is, most aren’t. Tara was someone important to Buffy, someone she loves, she can’t blame Buffy for not being able to dust her.  
Buffy looks down as if ashamed before looking back up at Faith with fire in her eyes. “We are not killing Tara. We’ll find some way to subdue her and see if we can get her soul back but-”

Faith puts her hands up in surrender. “Alright, alright, no need to get defensive. We’re saving her not killing her but unless you have a Romani curse laying around I don’t know how that’s happening. Then again, that’s not exactly my job. What’s the what? Red gonna Houdini her girl until we can wrangle her soul back?”

Buffy somehow looks more stressed. Honestly Faith’s pretty sure she shouldn’t be dealing with any slayer shit until she’s over the whole dying part. “Willow didn’t react well to losing Tara.” 

“Meaning?” 

“Meaning, she flayed one of the nerds responsible alive.”

“Didn’t know Red had it in her.” Faith’s a bit impressed despite herself. Impressed and worried. Killing changes a person, it taints the soul.

Buffy glares at her. “That’s not exactly a good thing, Faith.” Jesus Christ if having Saint Buffy admonish her like a misbehaving child doesn’t irk her. No shit it isn’t a good thing. “She tried to end the world.”

Faith’s eyebrows raise at that. “Escalation, that’s the thing with repressed types. Can’t let them have girlfriends because next thing you know, they can’t manage their emotions and try to end the world.” Buffy just stares at her. “What? I know what I’m talking about.” 

“Somehow I doubt repression is why she tried to end the world.”

“Really?”

“She got involved in dark stuff.”

“Clarify it for me.”

“She’s addicted to dark magic, she tried stopping for Tara but losing her set Will back again.”

Faith slaps the table and leans back again. “It’s all about repression, babe.” 

Buffy looks like she’s going to argue, looks upset at the line of conversation and Faith’s pet name, but she sighs. “Are you going to help?”

“‘Course I am. I’d step back now, unless you want that perfect face ruined.”

Faith is quick to break through the glass and even quicker disabling anyone who tries to stop her. Buffy leads the way out and to some beat up looking truck.

Back to Sunnydale, Faith can’t wait.

The drive is awkward. It’s silent and full of tension, there’s so much unsaid between the two of them. Faith knows this is a bad situation for Buffy too. Buffy is no stranger to bad situations, apocalypses, or even trauma but she hates when her friends get hurt. Faith knows Buffy feels responsible for them.

Faith decides to breach the silence in a non-hostile tone, hoping they don’t escalate to fighting. “It’s gonna turn out okay.”

Buffy’s hands tighten on the steering wheel and she looks towards Faith with haunted eyes. God, what’s been happening with her? This isn’t the Buffy who faces down death like a sport. This is the Buffy beaten down by death. “I don’t think it ever will be again.” Faith wonders if Buffy tells any of her friends this, if she opens up to them. She doubts it. 

“It will be. The hard part is over, apocalypse avoided. We’ll hunt down Blondie before she gets herself into too much trouble and I’ll watch over her while you search for Red. You’ll find her, we’ll give her the ol’ villain rehab routine, and it’ll work out.” Buffy nods but doesn’t look convinced. “For the other part, the big thing we’re not talking about apparently, it’ll get better too.”

Buffy’s glare is scathing. “How would you know? Killing and being killed are a bit different.”

Alright, she expected a reaction when she kicked the hornet’s nest. Still, Buffy came out swinging. “I’d think being in a coma and being dead have some similarities even if they aren’t exactly the same.”

Buffy doesn’t answer and doesn’t look back over to her for the rest of the drive.

Faith rolls down the window and lets her arm fall out. “We got a lot of shit between us but if you ever want to talk about it.” Faith offers before turning the radio on. Some old country song croons out and Buffy’s nose wrinkles with disgust but she doesn’t change it. 

They drive with the wind in their hair, a crackling radio, and a mountain full of issues they can’t even begin to broach. 

“We hittin’ up the bar?” 

Buffy looks exhausted and if Faith wasn’t certain she’d get hit for it, she’d offer to go alone. “Someone will probably know where she is.” 

The bar is crowded as always and Faith smiles at the way the occupants freeze at seeing her. She loves instant recognition, strokes the ego somewhat. “Hello boys, I’ve got some questions.” One particularly ugly horned demon tries to make a run for it so she grabs it by the general throat area and slams it back, hearing a choking sound as a result. “That’s rude, you’ll make a gal think you aren’t interested by acting like that.”

“You’re back.” A vampire she absolutely does not remember ever seeing stutters. 

“Back with a royal pardon and all.” Faith’s smile is sharp and she sees a few demons take a step back. She grabs the vampire by his jacket and tosses him onto the nearest table. “Alright pal, here’s how this is going to go. I’m going to ask a simple question, you’re going to give me an honest answer. Wrong answers means we play a little game that I like to call ‘how many fingers can we take off before the vampire dusts’.”

“That’s a terrible name for a game.” Buffy settles next to Faith, taking one of the demon’s knives from their table.

“Hac-a-vamp? Hungry hungry slayers?”

“Mmm, better.” Buffy slaps the knife into Faith’s hand and Faith presses the blade against the vampire’s fingers.

“Tara Maclay, recently vamped. Do you know where she is?” 

“N-no!”

“Oof, wrong answer right off the bat.” 

Faith starts applying pressure and the vampire yelps. “Okay! I hear Raul talking about how he turned one of the slayer’s friends.”

“Come on buddy, you know the next step. Where’s Raul?”

“He likes to hang out near parks, I don’t know which one he’s at tonight.”

“We have a winner! You survived slayer roulette but unfortunately for you, the rules didn’t say we wouldn’t dust you.” Faith easily cuts his head off with the rather small and blunt knife, earning more nervous shuffles. Faith makes a show of straightening her clothes. “Have a good night.” 

Buffy almost looks amused as they wander from park to park. 

“Raul’s sense of fashion is more dead than he is.” Buffy looks at him with judgement. She doesn’t usually agree with Buffy but Raul is covered in too many different fabrics and colors.

“A tragedy but at least we’re lucky.” Faith dips her head towards a gaggle of vampires including one Tara Maclay. 

Buffy’s face twists with pain for a moment before she sets it aside. “She’s good at evading capture, Xander and Dawn tried getting her a few times. I’ll take the vamps you get her?” Faith ignores that Buffy compares her to Xander and Dawn. 

Faith spins a stake in her hand and wiggles her eyebrows at Buffy. “Broken out of prison to chase after a girl, you know how to treat me.” 

Buffy huffs but Faith sees a hint of a smile.”She isn’t really Tara anymore so she won’t hold back.”

Faith grimaces. “And I will be holding back.” She won’t be going easy on Tara necessarily but anything less than lethal with a vampire is holding back.

“Don’t let her kill you, it’d devastate her when we get her soul back.” 

“Aw, you do care.” Faith starts towards Tara at a full run, wanting to catch her unaware. She hears Buffy’s feet patter towards the nearest vampire. 

Tara turns towards her as Faith nears her, vampire face on. Faith only met Tara once and doesn’t really have the attachment to her that Buffy does but she’s going to do her best to minimize damage. She’s trying to be better, for herself and others…for Buffy, even if she isn’t quite there yet. She is better than she was, she’ll show Buffy and all her friends that. If she takes care of Willow’s girlfriend then surely even the witch will have to hear her out. 

If she does some good, maybe her soul won’t feel as dirty. If she helps those she’s hurt, maybe she won’t see the looks of betrayal and hear the whispers of heart ache.

“Slayer!” It’s weird hearing a typical vampire line from someone Faith knew as a human, it makes her skin crawl. 

“How ya doin’, Blondie? Heard you went and kicked the casket.” Tara’s feet are already pivoting to run, apparently she’s smarter than the average vampire and knows a losing battle. Good for her. “Oh no you don’t.” Faith reaches for Tara’s neck and grabs air. Tara’s evasive, quickly ducking away and trying to use the environment to slow Faith. 

She didn’t think she’d spend half an hour chasing a vampire through the streets of Sunnydale when she woke up in her cell this morning. 

“I’m so over this.” Faith wheezes. She exercises everyday in prison but she hasn’t exactly been sprinting after people. Faith picks up a trash can and throws it at Tara who trips in surprise. Tara’s already clambering to her feet when Faith reaches her side. Faith pulls back her fist and hits Tara hard enough in the head to even knock out Angel. “Yikes.” Tara blessedly passes out and Faith picks her up. 

She throws Tara over her shoulder and hopes she doesn’t wake up, she really doesn’t want to get bit today. She finds Buffy in the same park they found Tara in. “Got her.”

Buffy crosses her arms and looks upset. Oh boy. “Is that necessary? How hard did you hit her?” Faith wonders if Buffy is gonna take every opportunity to chew her out.

“B, you told me to get her. She’s a vampire capable and willing of killing people. She is also crazy fast. I just did what was necessary. What do you want me to do?” 

“I don’t know, can’t you just carry her normally?”

“Of course you’d think I should carry a vampire all romantic like. Not every vampire is Angel and I’m not about to give her easy access to my throat. Some of us aren’t into that.” Buffy looks wounded and pissed at her comment. It’s not Faith’s fault Buffy is into the dead. 

“Here I was worried you got replaced by someone tolerable.” Buffy’s expression is hard and locked down. Faith is trying her best to keep the peace and be better but she can’t help getting annoyed when Buffy questions her methods. Whatever Buffy wants to tell herself, Faith gets why she was tapped into this. She isn’t as attached to Tara as everyone else. Faith is the only one willing to knock her unconscious and drag her to wherever they’re planning to restore her. 

So no, Faith isn’t here for Buffy to lash out at. She isn’t here for Buffy to judge and nitpick. Not when they’re using her. 

Even if she wants Buffy to look at her without the resentment.

“I live to disappoint. Where are we taking her?” Faith changes the subject before they really get into it. 

Buffy turns and starts walking away and it takes everything in Faith not to curse her out. “We set up a house and we’ll ward it once we get there.” 

The silence between them on the way to the house isn’t peaceful. The tension between them is ripe to explode with their tempers are flaring. Faith can tell Buffy is out of sorts, she just doesn’t have the patience for it either. She has many gifts and patience is absolutely not one of them. 

Faith does a double take at seeing Spike standing next to Dawn. “Lehane exterminating, here to kill all pests.” 

The gang's attention shifts to Buffy, Faith, and Tara’s unconscious form. “Spike is…” Xander trails off, apparently not wanting to defend him. 

“He’s on our side.” Dawn fills in with a smile towards Spike. Buffy shifts awkwardly and Spike’s eyes haven’t left her. Faith whistles but doesn’t say anything when Buffy glares at her.

“It’s gross.” Xander tells her, forgetting he hates her in his quest to hate Spike. She has to agree with Xander. 

“Yes, well, if we can.” Giles gestures towards the house.

“Right, what are we doing?” 

“We’re going to seal Tara in the house so she can’t leave. She won’t be able to hurt people and we can easily locate her again once we figure out how to restore her soul.”

“I’ll just drop her in there then.”

Giles looks at Buffy before looking back at Faith. Of course Buffy left something out. “The thing is, once we seal the wards nothing gets out but anything can get in. We need someone to stay in there to protect Tara from people or stop her from getting someone else to break her out.”

It takes Faith a moment to realize the meaning and then she has to laugh. “Damn, B. Here I thought you were for real about needing to break me out and wanting my help.”

Buffy actually looks guilty for once. “Faith-”

“No, I get it. From one prison to the next, right? Upside, I don’t have to worry about Trish eating my pudding here. Downside, I have to worry about a vampire eating me.”

“You don’t have to. I can stay with her.” Buffy offers but Faith knows it’s a gesture more than anything.

“Don’t sweat it.” This better garner her some brownie points with the gang or she’s going to be pissed. Faith walks into the house and turns around at the door. “You thought ahead and stocked this place with blood and food right?” 

Buffy looks panicked before Giles speaks up. “Of course.” 

“I’ll come by and check on you both tomorrow.” Buffy promises. 

“Do your mojo.”


	2. I'm Under Your Spell

Faith sets Tara in a bed upstairs, claiming the downstairs room as her own. Her hope is when she sleeps she’ll hear Tara’s footsteps on the way down so she can’t kill Faith in her sleep. Faith’s glad she’s always been a light sleeper.

Joyce once joked over coffee about how heavy a sleeper Faith is. Faith gave her a lazy grin and made some joke about a late night. Faith didn’t feel like she could tell Joyce that she only slept so well because she was sleeping in their house. She doesn’t like sleeping under a roof she isn’t secure in, near people she can’t trust. She didn’t really trust the Summers but crashing on their couch was the closest she came to trust back then.

She doubts she’ll be getting any restful sleep with a bloodthirsty demon upstairs.

Faith wanders downstairs and moves into the kitchen, she’s starving after slaying and not eating all day. 

She freezes in place.

Willow is standing in the kitchen, leaning against the counter like she doesn’t have a worry in the world. She’s a dark vision, painted in blacks and whites. Her fingers are playing with a glass of water but she’s watching Faith with sharp eyes. 

Faith respected Tara’s determination to flee because it was the right response. Faith’s not a fight most vampires can win and if Faith weren’t so set on catching her, it might have worked for Tara. It’s a smart flight over fight choice.

Faith’s usual response to a threat or a fight is to come out swinging, get some hits in before the other person realizes what’s going on. She’s always been a fighter, even when she was nothing but knobby elbows and scraped knees. She’s always been fighting over fought, so much so she gets herself into scraps.

Now?

Now she doesn’t swing, she doesn’t even twitch. Something in her recognizes the predator in Willow.

Buffy told her a bit about the near apocalypse but she left out the part where Willow is bat shit terrifying. She’s radiating off an unmistakable murder energy.

Faith’s usually near the top of the food chain and if she isn’t, she fights her way there. She scrapped a lot in Boston and then her fighting got honed when she was called. There isn’t much that can take a slayer.

She knows without a doubt the girl she knew as a bookworm sidekick could kill her if she so desired.

It’s chilling, humbling, and terrifying in ways Faith never thought she’d feel about Willow Rosenberg of all people.

“She’s here.” Willow says, eyes flicking towards the stairs before returning to Faith. Did she see them bring her in here or can Willow always feel Tara? 

“They’re gonna get her soul back.” Faith says as a peace offering. She can work with the apocalyptic witch, she’s flexible. Give Willow what she wants and maybe she won’t smear Faith, easy. 

Buffy warned her that Tara isn’t herself but she really neglected telling her about how different Willow is. She gets a near apocalypse and an undead girlfriend can lead to a personality change but she hadn’t expected this. This isn’t the Willow she knew. 

Willow is a knife covered in blood, a smoking gun, a weapon that’s already been used and is ready to go again.

“I asked the higher powers and I was denied.” Willow’s voice is hard, unbending. Faith’s pretty sure if she were the higher powers who denied Willow, she’d be worried right about now. Willow looks like she’s ready to kill and as it turns out Willow is very capable of murder. 

“What a bunch of assholes.” 

Willow blinks at her like she didn’t expect the response. Is she even aware of who she’s talking to right now? Is she wondering how or why Faith is here? Are the only things on Willow’s mind right now vengeance and Tara? “They are, aren’t they?” Willow’s tone is still pretty robotic but it’s slightly less icy.

Faith moves into the kitchen and into Willow’s space, hoping she isn’t betting wrong. The gang might have to let go of their grudge if their good girl kills her. “The higher powers might be assholes but you know Buffy will do anything to get Tara her soul back.”

Willow’s nail scrapes against the glass. “Buffy isn’t herself.”

“Doesn’t matter, she’s still Buffy. She always gets it done.” There’s an end, Faith is hoping Willow sees that. Willow can’t keep killing and taking in this darkness if she’s gonna get her girl back, if she’s going to be the kind of person Tara can still look at. 

There’s nothing worse than seeing the person you love look at you like a monster. Faith doesn’t really care about Willow or Tara all that much but even then, she doesn’t wish that on them.

“They’re upset with me.” When has upset ever stopped Willow’s friends?

“Maybe but they love you both.” Faith tries not to gag at the bitterness she tries not to feel about them. Their friend group, so locked down and impenetrable. Did Tara make it in, Faith wonders, or did she too get caught on the outside? Faith’s reminder does ease Willow’s tension somewhat. Love, friendship, all that jazz tends to break through to the gang.

It’s worth the acidic burn in the back of Faith’s throat if she can calm Willow somewhat.

“I can’t fix this.” Willow grinds out and the anger in her voice causes the hair on the back of Faith’s neck to stand upright. Faith can’t imagine having all that raw power and being useless. Except she can. She’s sure there’s some joke about a slayer behind bars, a calling to slay and help yet left with nothing but restraints and regret. 

“You don’t have to. You just have to not end the world before they can get your girl back.” Faith doesn’t expose her back to Willow when she opens the fridge.

“I didn’t mean to- well I did but you don’t understand.”

“Red, I’m pretty sure out of everyone I understand it the best.” Willow recoils at that, like Faith slapped her. 

“I’m nothing like you.” She spits out before stomping away and locking herself in the room Faith was going to take. Thing is, Willow is very much like her right now. She might not like it but she’s the one who decided to muck around in the dirt like Faith. She’s the one who decided murder and apocalypses were a better way to deal with her emotions than talking about it, then dealing with it. That has Faith written all over it so really, Willow needs to get over herself.

“You know you’re trapped in this house now, right?” Faith shouts and receives no answer. Well, she did her civic duty.

She walks over and drops on the couch, not wanting to sleep upstairs.

She falls asleep still in her prison clothes, shoes still on. 

She wakes up with flashes of a knife in her gut and a creak on the stairs. Tara spots Faith and lunges at her. Faith curses but adrenaline is already flooding through her body. She bats Tara’s hand away from her and tries to remain mostly defensive. “Will you just stop?” She ends up getting Tara into a headlock before she throws an elbow back, catching Faith in the ribs. Faith grunts but holds tighter. “Stop fighting or I’ll have to knock you out again.”

Willow opens the door and her eyes widen at the sight. “Get off her!” She growls and Faith’s flying through the air after being hit in the chest with a sledgehammer. 

“I hate this fucking town.” Faith groans when she crashes through the wall, leaving a person sized dent. Luckily the wards stopped her from being thrown out of the building. She can’t wait for her glorified babysitting to be over. It can’t take that long to ensoul someone, right?

Faith just sits in the plaster a second, let Willow deal with Tara. 

Being a good guy is seriously drawing the short straw. The Mayor might have been kinda evil and wanted her to do some dirty work but he gave her shit for it. 

“You really went off the deep end.” Tara changes focus from Faith to Willow. “I guess you never were going to stop.” There’s none of the Tara that Faith once met. No stuttering or nervousness, none of the small smiles or loving gazes.

“I did but then-”

“There’s always a convenient excuse.” It sounds odd to hear such scathing words from Tara even to Faith. 

Faith drags her sore body out of the wall and dusts herself off somewhat. It’s best she shakes herself out of her thoughts anyways, thinking about him too much always messes with her head. “Alright, time out. You’re going to regret anything you say to Willow once you get your soul back.” Tara flinches at the word soul and slashes at Faith. Faith was expecting a slap or a punch not nails scraping against her throat. “Red if you blast me again I swear to whatever you believe in I’ll beat you to death.” She’s about to kick both of their asses and be done with it.

Tara licks the blood off her fingers and looks satisfied at whatever she tastes. It makes Faith feel nauseous. She hates vampires so much. They’re the source of everything bad in her life. They killed her watcher, the first person to almost give a shit about Faith. They are the reason she got called in the first place and while she enjoys being a slayer, it led her down a dark path. Vampires even mess with her love life and friendships. The only thing they’re worth is the effort she has to expend to kill them, they offer nothing to the world. Angel is an exception of course, she’d go to bat for him. Anyone tried staking him and she’d have to revisit her whole no-killing resolution. “I wondered if slayer tastes different.” Tara purrs.

“And?”

“You’re delicious.” Tara is full of lines today and Faith is getting tired of the whole confident demon shtick. Doesn’t she realize she’s stuck in a house with a slayer, her hunter?

Faith tugs Tara and throws her towards the wrecked wall and opens the curtains, the sunlight traps Tara in the corner. “Here’s how this is going to go. I’m in charge. Don’t argue with me right now, Red. One of you is a vampire who’s got no soul but will someday and is going to regret having drank people. The other is a magic addict, which I didn’t even realize was a thing, that fell off the wagon and tried to end the world. Not great colors for either of you. I’m going to keep you both alive and hopefully you’ll both be less evil by the end of our stay in the hell house.”

“What makes you think I need changing?” Willow challenges Faith.

“Red, you tried to end the world. That’s pretty fucking no-no. Not doing that would be great for those of us living in it. Also, her first words were to call you out on falling off the wagon. I don’t know your history but that seems pretty significant to me.” Willow looks put out at Faith’s words but if she feels bad about trying to end the world maybe she should have thought about that before. 

“You tried ending the world?” Tara’s eyes gleam with interest.

“See? The soulless vampire thinks it’s cool so it’s obviously not.” Faith points out. 

“You think you’re any better than us? You’re in prison clothes right now. You’re a murderer.” Willow shoots back, hate swirling around her like a storm. 

Faith remembers that, still knows it. All that hate and anger churning inside and begging to be let out, damn the consequences. Power makes it so much easier. What do consequences matter when you can crush anyone who disagrees?

“Absolutely. I should not be in charge so take a moment to think about how ridiculous all of this is. Besides, if I can recover and try to do better than it should be a piece of cake for you. Right?” She appeals to Willow’s, really the whole Sunnydale crew’s, sense of superiority. She’s gotta do better than no good Faith, what’s more motivating than that? 

“I have no reason to go along with this.” Tara says.

“Willow’s an uber powerful witch and I’m a slayer, try to kill us and we’ll kick your ass. You can’t leave. We don’t really need your participation, Blondie.”

Tara scowls at Faith, hate radiating off of her too. It’s less impressive. Vampires lost any fear factor over Faith a long time ago. Except for Kakistos, she still has nightmares about him. “I will kill you.” Tara says quietly, as if making a promise to herself. 

“Tougher have tried so we can all hope but not until my job here is done. How about we all agree to keep the peace as best we can? Let’s try to not kill each other every other hour. You can scheme if you want I really don’t care.”

Tara eventually nods and Faith slides the curtains closed. Faith and Willow both wait to see what Tara will do. Tara stops next to Faith on her way out and her fingers trail the inside of Faith’s wrist. “What am I going to do about blood if you’re going to keep me a prisoner?”

“We have blood here.”

Tara’s finger presses harder, the nail teasing at the flesh. “Believe me, I know.” Vampires, honestly. Do they ever get tired? 

“Down girl, I meant blood bags.”

Tara smiles cruelly. “A shame.” She tosses Willow a look before going back upstairs. Ah, it was meant to make Willow jealous. It worked if the glare is anything to go by. 

Willow approaches Faith and for a moment she’s worried she’s going to have to fight again. Willow looks annoyed and has some animosity but ultimately Faith relaxes her tense posture. She’s got to show some trust, even if it’s fake, if she wants the house to become less hostile. Willow’s black eyes don’t even look at her, they’re locked onto the wound on Faith’s throat. Willow’s fingers run along her throat, Faith feels the sting as she brushes the cuts. Her fingers are nimble as she examines the wound. There’s a humming beneath Faith’s skin, a tingling sensation that spreads. Willow pulls away but the feeling remains, like Willow marked over Tara’s. 

“I healed it.” Willow informs her.

Faith nods her thanks, not one to voice it. “If you want my help just let me know.” Faith says before looking around the house. There better be a gym. There is, thankfully. 

She’s pretty sure Buffy thought about that ahead of time. She didn’t remember food but she remembered to give Faith a space to cool off, she isn’t sure to laugh or scoff.

Tara plots in her room. Willow stews in her room. Faith trains in the gym.

It’s a pretty solid situation if you ask Faith. 

“I am sorry about this.” Buffy tells her, handing a duffel bag with clothes for her. 

“Housing with two women? Pretty sure that’s a dream come true for me.” Faith grins but Buffy’s expression clouds. 

“Two?”

“Oh yeah, no need to keep looking for Red. She showed up and now she’s trapped in here too. Should I change her nickname? She isn’t really Red, ya know?” 

“Willow is in there?” Buffy’s voice is high and her fingers tighten on the doorframe.

“Maybe veins? Veiny?”

“Faith!” 

“Yeah?”

“She’s in there.”

“That’s what I just said.” Buffy looks away, torn. “You know you can’t come in here, B.” 

“I know. I just, I want her to know it’s okay. Can you tell her?” 

“Sure thing. I can do it during our friendship bracelet making session or maybe when we do sleepovers-”

“I get it, Faith.” Buffy sounds more amused than annoyed. “I take it that giving her a hug from me is out too?” 

“It’s safe to say we aren’t ever going to hug.” It doesn’t really matter if she’s dark scary Willow or nerdy witchy Willow, she’s still Willow. That’s not someone Faith sees ever being near. They haven’t ever been close. They tolerated each other for Buffy’s sake and then fully embraced the hating each other gig.

“You’ve hugged me before, don’t act like hugs are evil.” Faith detests the line of conversation but considering it’s the first time the shadows haven’t plagued Buffy, she’ll take it.

“Yeah but Red and I have never liked each other.”

“You like me, huh?” Buffy sounds pleased at that. Does she really not know?

“Absolutely not. I had the self-preservation to realize if I didn’t hug you then you wouldn’t let it go.” Faith opens the duffel bag and is shocked to realize Buffy brought her stuff that Faith would actually wear. Buffy didn’t fill it with anything to amuse herself or what she thought was cute, it’s kind of considerate. “Got my underwear size and everything? Be careful or I’ll start to assume things.” Faith winks and Buffy laughs, looking away from Faith with a small smile.

“You wish. I have to go but tell Willow I care? Is that a normal thing to say?”

“Are you asking me as a human or someone who went through her own evil phase?” 

Tara had been downstairs this whole time but chooses now to drape herself over Faith’s back, resting her head on Faith’s shoulder. Faith grunts and knocks her off, not wanting Tara anywhere near her throat. “Your concept of evil is very loose if you think Willow killing Warren applies.” Buffy just stares at Tara, a look of hurt and confusion flashing. 

“Are you defending Willow or evil?” Faith asks, genuinely unsure. Tara walks away after destroying whatever peaceful environment settled between Buffy and her. “I’ll let Willow know you stopped by and are thinking of her.” She doesn’t add that she’s pretty sure Willow heard the whole conversation. 

Buffy opens her mouth, tracking Tara’s movements, before shutting it. She looks unbearably sad for a moment. “It’ll be okay, B.” Faith reassures her before shutting the door. She doesn’t want to know what it feels like to see someone you love and have known for so long act like an entirely different person.

Faith sighs before knocking on Willow’s door. She opens it and Willow’s sitting in a desk chair, staring at her. Freaky. 

“So, what are you going to say?” Willow’s words are a trap, she wants to fight Faith. Faith’s pretty sure it’s because Willow can’t take a good long look at herself and what she’s done but she’s starting to realize just how off the deep end she went. It’s much easier to lash out at the warden than to think about why Buffy sounded so worried or the blood that never washes away.

Faith is willing to help, she isn’t a great person but she does have some sympathy for Willow. After having a similar experience it’s hard not to. She just doesn’t want to have to drag Willow’s head out of her ass. She had to do that with herself, she kinda thinks it’s something Willow has to do herself as well. 

“You know you gave me the whole run down of Faith when she woke up from her coma.” Tara says as she strolls in, sitting on Willow’s bed. Her tone is conversational but Faith knows Tara just likes to start shit since she’s trapped here. “Crazy, evil, skanky, bad news, irredeemable, slayer.” That about sums it up, she isn’t sure if Willow believes otherwise now. “You never mentioned the most important part.” Tara stares at Faith and despite herself, her heartbeat speeds up. Tara smiles and Faith knows she knows. She wonders if it’s vampire senses that gave Faith away or if Tarahas always been a perceptive person.

“Which is?” Willow looks confused, looking between the two of them. 

“I think for now I’ll keep it to myself.”

“You’re not going to blackmail me into letting you leave.” Faith states plainly. She doesn’t want _that_ blasted but she sure as hell isn’t going to play into a demon’s hands to keep it secret. 

“It still might have use.” Tara shrugs instead. 

Faith walks away before she does something stupid like stake Tara. Fucking bitch. 

She goes to the gym and trains more, her only real outlet since she can’t slay or fuck. She can’t even socialize if she felt like it because talking to the two of them just feels like a work out of its own. Willow is too pigheaded to realize how much she needs to change her ways and Tara is a soulless dick. Considering Faith’s propensity for being a dick, that’s saying something. 

She tries not to shake, she tries not to think about how a soulless Tara knows something she shouldn’t. A secret Faith is pretty sure she’d die to keep buried at this point, feelings she’d rather remain buried six feet under.

She’s calm, collected, not about to snap and go off her own wagon. She ignores just how much of her wants to dust Tara and be done with it.

She works out and they do whatever the fuck it is they do.

Willow approaches her during their second week trapped together. 

She sits in the chair near Faith’s couch and doesn’t say anything. Faith raises an eyebrow but doesn’t talk first.

“What would your first step be, if you were me?” Faith will admit Willow caved quicker than Faith thought. It took Faith a lot longer to realize how messed up she was, how much hurt she did, and then to actually make moves to make it better. She knew somewhere along the way she went too far but she couldn’t stop herself. Willow only took two weeks. Faith isn’t sure if she’s proud or envious.

“I don’t know much about magic but I know addicts shouldn’t go cold turkey.”

“You should cut out dark magic, keep practicing light magic and meditation.” Tara offers from the kitchen. 

Willow’s face pinches at Tara’s words. She looks mourning, longing, and so full of regret. “She’s right.” Faith agrees, hoping no one picks a fight. How she ended up the peacekeeper or life coach, she doesn’t know. She blames Giles. She is not cut out for this sort of job. She isn’t diplomatic or even nice, she’s the person you call to put a knife to someone’s fingers. “It’s like a nicotine patch, it’ll be hard to quit the hard shit but you’ll still have the other magic to support you. Should she cut out magic all together or just dark?” Fuck it, she’ll test the waters and see if she can draw the Tara out of the demon. That’s pretty strategic of her, right? She just imagines she’s playing a board game with them and hopefully it will work out okay. 

“Not necessarily. Magic isn’t inherently bad or evil, it’s a part of who she is. I don’t think you should quit entirely, it wouldn’t be healthy for you.” Tara’s attention diverts to Willow and they get caught in an intense staring match. Faith wishes she had a room to hide in. Talk about a third wheel. 

“Magic isn’t going to be your only struggle though.” Faith says. Faith always thought magic was a tool, a weapon. She doesn’t think someone gets to flaying unless they’ve got a shit ton of issues going on elsewhere. That was true for her, at the very least. 

“I know.” Willow admits. 

“I can help you with the non-magic parts but I’m not a therapist, I can just tell you what I’ve learned.” Willow and her may have both gone dark but they’re still different people with different reasons and motivations, there’s only so much Faith can tell her. She needs real professional help. She wonders if Giles will remember he’s responsible for the rest of the gang or if he’ll stay tunnel visioned on Buffy.

“We should meditate in the mornings.” Tara suggests, her eyebrow pushed together in thought. Luckily, it looks nothing like her vampire face. It’s kinda cute. It’s trippy seeing someone who doesn’t look disposed towards violence at all go all vamp, hopefully she won’t have to see the face too many times. 

“I’m okay with that.” Willow’s voice almost sounds like her own and not dark evil Willow’s. It’s soft, especially when spoken towards Tara. She wonders when dorky Willow will reemerge, not that Faith misses her. 

Faith figures Tara is up to her schemes now, realizing she really can’t escape. She probably wants Willow to turn away from dark magic, thinking she’ll have a better chance for escape. Faith knows between Willow and her, Faith will have to keep up with Tara watch. She won’t be as willing to just trust Tara whereas Willow looks like she’s still hopelessly in love. People in love do the stupidest things. “You’re meditating with us.” Tara tells Faith.

“Why?” Faith doesn’t get that part of the plan. Is she trying to play human Tara? Act all caring and nice and get the two of them attached to her? Not happening.

“You’re stressed and meditating will help calm your nerves.” Tara says assuredly, a woman who believes what she’s saying is absolutely true.

“Blondie, nothing helps with my nerves.” Faith tries not to laugh. When’s the last time she really relaxed? She doesn’t even know how to relax.

Tara smiles earnestly. “There’s no harm in trying it.” 

“Absolutely not.”

Faith sits on one end, Willow in the middle, and Tara on the other side as they meditate. 

She refuses to admit she gave in. If anyone finds out she’ll say they forced her by breaking her legs or using magic.

“This is better when we can connect to the earth but I guess this will do.” Tara sighs as they sit down.

“Connect to the earth.” Faith mutters, not knowing what the fuck she is doing. She’s not a touchy-feely nature kinda gal. She likes cities where the lights are always on and the sky burns from the slow death of gas and human pollution and the party never stops. That’s like, the opposite of what’s happening. 

“You can’t feel the dirt if you think so loudly.” Willow critiques but Faith’s lips quirk up, her eyes still closed.

“Not feeling the earth either, Red?”

She can feel Willow forcing herself to remain annoyed with Faith. “I can feel plenty, thank you.” 

“Plenty, huh? Tell me more. Sounds more exciting than what I’m doing.” Faith says suggestively. 

“What are you doing?” Tara, unlike Willow, doesn’t even try to hide her amusement. “I’m getting a very logical feeling from you.”

“You feel me?” Willow’s hand slaps her chest. “Watch the girls, Red.” 

“We’re all connecting while we meditate, it’s why your thoughts are so loud.” 

“You two are in my head?”

“No, it’s more like we can feel your presence.” Tara explains further. 

“Magic.” Faith shakes her head, preferring to just punch things in the face.

It’s quiet for a while before Tara clears her throat. “What in Gaia’s sake are you doing?”

“I’m playing tic-tac-toe with myself.” Faith responds proudly.

Willow sighs loudly and Faith’s pretty sure she’s glaring. Sure, get annoyed about her tic-tac-toe when Faith’s pretty sure opening your eyes during mediation is breaking rule number one. “Just focus on the earth and your breathing, Faith.” Faith’s lips threaten to break into a real smile at the tone in Willow’s voice when she says her name. 

“Sure thing.” She doesn’t even mention that they can’t connect to the earth, she’s becoming a better person after all. 

She gets better at meditating but she can’t help but mess with the other two while she does it. 

“Xander, I’m going crazy.” Faith opens the door to his flustered expression. 

“Um, what? You’re not going to kill anyone, are you?” He looks slightly worried, looking around her for the others. 

She ignores the sting at his immediate assumption. “I might if I don’t get less bored. Prison was more entertaining. Prison.” 

Xander hands over the groceries, including beer. He’s the only one who gets her beer. She hates him less for it. “You should get a hobby.”

“Like? I can’t draw or paint, I won’t write. I can’t collect shit because I’m stuck here. I’m bored of television. Red and Blondie aren’t stellar conversation most of the time.” 

Xander mulls it over and nods. “I’ll pick something up for you.” 

Faith doesn’t thank him but she does call him the best of the scoobies so she thinks he understands. She shuts the door and Tara is standing there, a hand braced on the back of a chair. 

“Our conversations aren’t stellar?” Tara’s tone is teasing rather than confrontational.

“A few days ago you spent an hour detailing way you’d torture and kill me.” 

Tara pastes on a fake innocent face before it falls away with a grin. “I saw you smile at a few of them.” 

“Cute, not stellar.” Faith corrects her. 

Tara smiles and Faith almost does a double take. The first time she met Tara, she was too nervous to really smile near Faith. All of her smiles since Faith dragged her into the house have been cruel or fake. This one seems like how she would have smiled as a human.

“I thought the hanging you with your own innards was a good one.” Willow says from the chair where she’s reading some old magic tome. 

“I would have thought her skinning threat would have been more down your alley.” Willow looks up at her sharply but relaxes when she sees the grin on Faith’s face.

“See? Stellar.” Tara laughs and Willow’s smile is quickly hidden behind her book. 

She hopes they’re all settling in.

Faith’s sitting at the table that she set up all her woodworking tools at. Xander had shrugged when he handed the materials over and said if she can whittle a stake then she can do this. It keeps her busy so she hasn’t felt the need to throw it at him.

She has a better set up in the garage for when she gets into sanding and what not but for now she’s just whittling a new stake. 

Willow’s meditating on the couch when Faith looks up. The sun is almost down and Tara will be up soon if she isn’t already. The rays highlight Willow since they left the curtains open. Dawn had ranted about their vitamin c levels last time she checked in on them so now she makes sure Willow and her get some sun every day. The kid worries too much but if it gets her out of a lecture, she’ll do as she’s told. Summers and their power trips.

Willow hasn’t used black magic in weeks now but the veins and black hair are still sticking around. It’s fading but slowly. The red is coming back to her hair, the veins are lessening, her eyes are still black but less dark. Instead of looking into and echoing abyss it’s like looking at a night sky. Willow has stopped wearing black as well, favoring lighter colored clothes.

She’s wearing baggy sweats and a shirt Faith’s pretty sure is Tara’s. Faith doubts she’ll ever be able to forget the whole evil ensemble. The way Willow’s pants had hugged her legs is something Faith fails at not thinking about. She really tries not to think about it but it’s a lost cause. Despite the way Willow rocked the evil look, Faith’s an expert at evil outfits after all, she prefers the Willow that’s reemerging. 

She doesn’t send chills up Faith’s spine. She doesn’t trigger Faith’s slayer senses and keep her on edge, tensed for a fight. She isn’t as robotic or standoffish. Willow is finding herself and she’s learning from her experience. She’s stronger, in Faith’s opinion. From the bits she’s heard from Tara and Willow she wasn’t doing too good before everything went down. It seems like going off the rails was a good way to purge whatever was plaguing her and it helped her get her head out of her ass.

When she looks up from Willow’s cross legs, she’s staring right at Faith. Shit, being caught while checking someone out can turn out either really good or really bad. Being caught checking out Willow? That only ends badly. 

Willow arches an eyebrow and gives her a smile, almost a smirk. Being in a relationship and getting comfortable in her own skin, in her sexuality, was good for her. Faith just wasn’t prepared for it. She can adjust.

“I don’t remember you being this hot last time I was in Sunnydale.”

“You’re not big with the noticing.” Willow replies, unfolding her legs. 

“Any hope of me not noticing is very gone.” 

“Guess it’s a shame we aren’t in high school anymore.” Willow stands from the couch and leaves the room and the conversation. 

“What does that mean?” Faith mutters to herself before going back to carving.

Faith keeps tabs on them but she doesn’t notice much unless Tara or Willow start getting rambunctious and she has to act responsible. She likes all of them having their own space.

She does notice when the smell of home cooked food wafts into the living room one day. She follows the smell to the kitchen where Tara is cooking. “Food?” Faith looks around in surprise. 

Tara smiles, something Faith is getting used to, and stirs something in a pot. “I figured you don’t cook since you’ve been eating instant food this whole time and Willow doesn’t really cook.” 

Faith is nodding but she’s still locked onto the food. 

Faith is used to instant meals, food at shelters, whatever she could scrounge on the streets, and prison food. She doesn’t get home cooked food. 

She tries not to think that it’s because no one ever saw her as worthy of having home cooked food. It’s not a productive line of thinking, she reminds herself. 

Tara sits down between Willow and her as they eat and nurses a mug of blood. The vamp face is unsettling but considering Tara just made her food, she’s not gonna say a thing about it. “It’s good.” Faith says after inhaling a whole plate. She didn’t really think vegetables could be good unless they were in chow mein. 

Tara smiles again and tucks a bit of hair behind her ear, obviously pleased.

Tara is always with them now. She hasn’t hid in her room in a long time. She sits next to them or near them but always in their space. Sometimes she’ll talk to them and sometimes she’ll read or do some witchy shit Faith doesn’t understand. She’s been friendly, smiling and laughing. She banters with Willow and shares inside jokes, always sure to include Faith. Now she’s cooking for them.

Faith is certain it’s all a ploy to get their guards down. Willow, unfortunately, is falling for it. Hook line and sinker. Faith will admit it’s hard to see the demon when Tara looks at them with care in her eyes. Care can be faked, emotion can be faked, she reminds herself. 

Tara can’t actually be good because that goes against everything Faith thought she knew about vampires. She can’t actually give a fuck about Faith because that goes against everything Faith thought she knew about herself.

Faith’s sitting on the couch, reading some nerdy book Xander lent her. Dawn nodded violently in agreement, saying she should read it. She gave in just because she felt like there was an elaborate joke she wasn’t getting but would if she read the book. 

“What’re you reading?” Tara’s soft voice breaks her concentration. 

“Nothing.” 

Tara lifts her legs and settles on the couch, laying Faith’s legs in her lap. Faith’s tense, they don’t touch. It’s mostly because Faith doesn’t trust Tara not to snap and try and murder her. Also, Faith isn’t a touchy person. “I want to know.” 

“What if I don’t want to tell you?”

“I’ll respect that.” Tara stops her sentence like there’s more she wants to say.

“What?” Faith asks suspiciously.

“I get the feeling that you don’t think you can talk about yourself or your interests.” Tara sounds concerned.

“I talked at prison.”

“I mean other than therapy, it seems like you don’t feel like you can open up to people in your life.”

“It’s just a book, Blondie.” Tara nods and lets the conversation die, not forcing anything. “It follows a heroine with terrible taste in men. I’m pretty sure we’re all making fun of Buffy.”

“That’s not exactly nice.” Tara laughs though and Faith ignores the smile it pulls out of her. 

“In case you missed the memo, I’m not a very nice person.”

“I don’t believe it, no matter how many times you tell me.” Tara has a way of saying things. It’s heavy, weighted. She can deliver statements with such an intensity that her words hold Faith in place, asking to be heard.

Tara gets closer after that. She ignores any space and settles beside them, touches them whenever she can get away with it. Faith’s almost used to the feeling of Tara’s fingers gliding along her arms or legs. That’s what she wants, Faith reminds herself. 

Faith swallows her pride and asks one day after Tara makes some killer spaghetti if there’s something she can do for Tara. It isn’t right having Tara cook food all the time, especially when she doesn’t eat it. “You already do the dishes, Faith.” Tara tells her, waving off her concern.

“That’s common courtesy, Blondie. Is there anything you want?” Tara’s eyes flash and Faith grins, poking a finger in Tara’s direction. “Don’t you dare say out of here.”

Tara chuckles and shakes her head. “I like cooking, you don’t. It isn’t a burden to cook. I like it when something as simple as food makes you both happy.” 

Vampire, she reminds herself. Evil, soulless, vampire. “Blondie, just give me something.”

Tara gives her a searching look. “Not everything has to be a transaction, Faith.” She says it quietly, gently, like she’s delivering a great truth. She sort of is. Transactions are all she really knows. She got a kiss on the head from her ma if she carried drugs across town, she got friends from the gang so long as she obeyed them, she got the motherly Joyce so long as she could replace her daughter. She doesn’t understand anything else, in many ways. Even now, she’s only out of prison to take care of these two. She’s going right back behind bars as soon as they’re done with her. “People just do things because they want to.” 

Faith smiles and hopes it isn’t as brittle as she feels. “Then let’s say I wanna do something for you, give me an idea.”

Tara looks like she wants to argue but as per usual, she relents and gives Faith her space. “Make me something? I would like something from you.”

Faith almost can’t handle the way Tara says the last part, like Faith matters to her. It’s not possible. Not without a soul and not this quickly. Faith knows she rubs people wrong the longer she’s near them, Willow and Tara have to be getting frustrated with this much exposure to her. “How about a stake? I can engrave your name and everything.” 

“It’s funny until I trip over it and you’re hand vacuuming me up.” Tara replies easily and Faith laughs.

“God, Willow would light my ass on fire and then Buffy would kick me all over town.” 

“You’ll have to think of something else, then.” 

Willow wakes up early one day and stares at her over her mug of coffee. The veins are gone now and her hair has gone back to its natural red, she looks healthier too. Even her eyes have returned to normal. “Spike isn’t like most vampires. He loved Drusilla, he probably still does. Vampires without souls aren’t supposed to be able to love. Maybe Tara is like that too.” Willow confides with a quiet hope. Faith takes a swig of her own coffee as she processes the info dump.

Faith doesn’t want to dash Willow’s hopes but she needs her to be realistic. She doesn’t want Willow to relapse if Tara tries to take a bite out of one of them. “Could be. Could also be that’s what she’s trying to get you to think.” 

Willow’s friendliness passes and her glare returns. “You think she’s playing me?”

“She could be. She’s a soulless vampire right now. You can’t trust what she says or does.” Willow looks put out and that’s not really what she wanted. Faith sighs and moves around the counter, coming to rest next to Willow. “Red, I just don’t want you to get your hopes up. I am sure there’s still the Tara you know in there, I know once we get her soul back she’ll be fine. You guys will work everything out and go back to mixing potions in cauldrons.”

“I just miss her.” Willow admits in the same quiet tone she started the conversation with. 

“I know, your sex life is like a dinosaur.” At Willow’s confused look, Faith grins. “A thing of the past.” Willow groans and backhands Faith’s side but drops her head on Faith’s shoulder. Faith almost freaks out, still averse to touch, but wraps an arm around Willow’s shoulders instead. Does this count as hugging? She hopes not. Buffy absolutely cannot find out. “Oh no, you’re a fang banger too now.” Faith adds in a forlorn tone. 

“I thought my sex life is dead.” Willow murmured pathetically into her shirt. 

“Yeah, like old dusty bones. I mean you will once she gets her soul back so it’s only a matter of time.”

“Buffy hates those jokes.” Faith snorts when she feels Willow’s shoulders shake with suppressed laughter. 

Faith doesn’t really care who or how many people Buffy hooks up with and one day she was feeling particularly emotionally competent, she even told Buffy as much. Buffy got gooey and called Faith soft so she shut it down quick but she felt it was important to say. Faith doesn’t like it much when people make rude comments about her own sex life or preferences so she wanted to be clear by this point, it’s more an inside joke than anything. She offered to stop making them if it made Buffy uncomfortable but she rolled her eyes and said she would have to stop her own jokes towards Faith so they called it good. 

She also has her own strong feelings about vampires. She couldn’t believe at first that Buffy actually hooked up, hooks up, with vampires. Her hate for their kind overpowers her sometimes but after spending time with Angel and now Tara, the most of her hate is dulled.

“She shouldn’t be lining up every eligible vampire then. You gotta look out before she sets her sights on Tara.” 

“Shut up, Faith.” 

“Make me.” 

“I’ll bite you, I’m scrappy like that.” There’s a hint of her old dorkiness and Faith feels a bit of relief, she didn’t want this to harden Willow. 

“They’ve got you started on their propaganda already.” 

Later, Faith’s about to go to sleep when Willow shakes her head. 

“The bed is big enough for two.” Willow says, nodding her head towards the downstairs room.

“Are we big enough for two?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Are we good?” Faith clarifies.

“I forgave you for everything you did the moment you decided to help with Tara. Besides, after what I did it’s not like I can judge.”

Faith gets up to follow Willow to the bedroom. “You can though, whatever you did didn’t erase the shit I put you through.” Accountability, she reminds herself. She doesn’t want Willow holding it against her, she doesn’t want to talk about her past, but no one ever wants to confront the terrible things they’ve said or done. She has to.

Willow’s sliding out of her pants and Faith looks away. For all her teasing about Willow’s sex life the fact is Faith hasn’t had sex with anyone for two months now. She’s pretty sure that’s the longest she’s gone in years and she’s dying inside. “Don’t get me wrong, if you do anything like that again I can practically smite you.”

“Hot.”

Willow throws her balled up sweats at Faith. “I don’t care anymore about the past. I’m tired of it. I care that you’re here now, I care that you’re willing to make sacrifices for Tara and me too. You’ve been a big help with the whole, rehabilitating from murder thing. I am pretty sure I’d be worse off without your help.” 

Faith shifts awkwardly at the praise. She doesn’t hear shit like that a lot and she isn’t sure how to take it. Does she want to hear that? Does she really want to be helping these two? She’s not a good person and she’s still on her own road of recovery even though she’s been holding it together over the past months. Willow grows tired of watching her stand there and tugs her into bed, tossing the covers over Faith. 

“Rude.” Faith pokes her head out to Willow smiling sleepily at her. 

“I will probably use you as a pillow at some point.” 

“Don’t worry, I’m used to women on me.” 

“I’m going to sleep now.” She sees Willow’s blush before she turns off the lamp.


	3. How Else Could it Be

Just as predicted, she wakes up with Willow tucked into her side. 

She’s glad Willow is still asleep and doesn’t see her smile. It warms her heart to see Willow so at ease after how she first saw her in the kitchen. She’s healing. 

Faith closes her eyes and wills away the growing affection she feels for Willow. There’s so many reasons why it’s not a good idea to let it fester. Willow and Tara are actual soulmates, she’s pretty sure. She knows she’s not a good person, she’s toxic to anyone who gets too close. Most importantly, she can’t be in a relationship. She can’t let someone have that much power over her, she can’t be that vulnerable. She doesn’t even know if relationships really work. Her parents’ didn’t, Buffy’s never do, even Willow and Tara were on the rocks before all of this. 

Why put herself through the act of caring only to be hurt?

Issue is, it’s not like she can just sleep with Willow to get rid of these feelings.

She’ll see this out and do her best to earn the gang’s forgiveness, that’s all. She just wants to heal and do some good rather than bad. 

She untangles their legs and walks into the kitchen, making herself a cup of coffee. She looks at the food and nothing looks good. 

“You’re aura is stormy but in a good way, I think? It’s harder to tell now than it used to be.” Tara sounds a bit sad at that and Faith instinctually reaches out for her. Faith freezes when she realizes the movement but Tara gives her no space to doubt it, she takes Faith’s hand and squeezes it before releasing her. Faith is pretty sure this was Tara’s plan all along, training her to be so at ease. It worked, she’ll give her that. 

“Can you still do magic?”

Tara’s smile turns even sadder. “Not really. It’s still there but I can’t reach it. I hope with time I’ll be able to.”

Faith grabs a blood bag and pours it into a mug, heating it up to the temperature Tara likes it at. She passes it to Tara and grabs a granola bar for herself. “I’m sure you will.” Tara stops her with a gentle grip and kisses Faith on her cheek. Faith stumbles out of the kitchen and confines herself to the gym, needing to get out excess energy. 

She still feels Tara’s lips on her cheek for two days. 

“I’m dying.” Faith deadpans to Buffy. Her eyes widen for a moment before she shakes her head.

“Xander told me you said something similar about boredom.”

“Yeah, now I’m so sexually frustrated I’m about to explode and take Sunnydale with me.”

“It can’t be that bad, you’d take the neighborhood at most.” 

“B, I can’t slay or find a warm body. It’s been months. Months.”

“I can grab some vamps, do delivery?”

“Might be fun to see how long it takes them figure out they can’t escape before I dust them.”

“How’s Willow?”

“Good, doing better. Nightmares aren’t as often.”

“That’s good.”

“No kidding, I had bruises on my bruises.”

Buffy’s brow dips for a moment for her face hardens. “Are you sleeping with her?” Buffy hisses quietly, trying in vain not to be overheard. Faith knows the other two listen when she’s at the door because she listens when they’re at the door, they’re all getting pretty bored and nosey.

“Wow. Hostility, B. We goin’ back ten steps? We sleep in the same bed, yeah.”

“If you take advantage of her-” 

“This is LA all over again. We’re not having sex, if you missed the beginning of this conversation, so calm down.” Buffy and her really can’t get through a conversation without ending up back at each other’s throats. It’s almost predictable by this point. 

“I am calm. I just don’t want you hurting my friends again.” Faith feels like she needs to let out the longest sigh of her life. Buffy and her are like a broken record.

“It might be hard to see from your throne, but I’m here to help. You were the one to bust me out. It doesn’t change just because you’re angry about what happened between us.”

“It’s not about us, it’s about Willow.”

“If you’re going to lie at least do it well.”

“You want to talk about liars?” 

“Honestly, you sleep with a girl’s boyfriend one time and it’s threats for the rest of your life.” 

Bringing up Riley is a low blow but she wants Buffy to recoil, lash out for a real reason. She’s just coming after Faith because it’s easy. She knows Faith will take it just like she knew Faith would help Tara for her. She knows she can use Faith and toss her back in a cell after. It’s cool, Faith gets it. Buffy’s all fucked up about dying and coming back and now her best friend almost went down the same road Faith did. It’s stressful and Faith’s always given as good as she’s got. She’s just grown tired of the same conversation over and over, just with some new reason why they’re at each other’s throats.

Buffy looks the most angry Faith’s seen her. “You-” 

“Me, I’m me. I’m not whatever is pissing you off.”

“You are what’s pissing me off.”

“No, I’m not.” Faith closes the door in Buffy’s face and calmly clenches and unclenches her fists. Ride the anger out, let the urges fade away, breathe.

She hates being an outlet for people’s anger.

She eventually drops the bags on the counter and goes to the gym again, closing the door loudly as a universal message to leave her alone. She should really figure out who set up a gym and thank them, unless of course it was Buffy. Fuck her.

She can never escape Buffy and their drama. They rotate around each other, tiny planets trying to collide and kill each other. 

She has so much guilt and regret over what she’s done but Buffy still manages to tap into her raw anger. She hits so many of Faith’s insecurities and issues. She knows she did more between them but Faith has forgiven Buffy for what she did. Buffy can’t spare a scrap of the same leniency. It’s a constant internal struggle of recognizing Buffy has no obligation to forgive her and that Faith should respect it and the defensive fury every time Buffy assumes the worst of her. 

She moves to the heavy bag to get rid of some of her anger.

She’s covered in sweat by the time she finishes. She heads towards the bathroom, ignoring the other two. After a long shower she feels calmer, more in control.

“I made dinner.” Willow tells her when she comes into the room. 

“I didn’t think you cooked.” Faith sees the stack of toasted pop tarts and laughs. “Gourmet.”

They eat quietly while Tara loudly slurps her blood. “So, frustrated?” The glint in Tara’s eyes is wicked and teasing. It’s more vampire than human Tara, whatever that means at this point. Faith also isn’t sure what to make of the fact she’s slowly grown used to the sight of Tara’s vamp face. 

“Not going to pretend you didn’t hear it?”

“You’d embarrass us if our positions were switched.” Willow points out.

“I’d switch any position with you.” Willow sputters and Tara smiles, a short laugh escaping her. “I don’t get embarrassed.” Faith is pretty sure she wasn’t born with the ability to be embarrassed.

“Do you really want to challenge us?” Tara asks and Willow glows at the ‘us’. Faith can’t stop herself from comparing Willow and Buffy’s reaction to ‘us’. She wonders if Willow would recoil from being included with Faith or if they’ve become closer, grown beyond their history. 

“Any time, anywhere.” What’s the worst they can do? She kind of looks forward to whatever mess they’re going to make. 

It was a long month of them attempting to embarrass Faith in every fashion they could think of and failing the entire time. Faith’s favorite being the time they replaced her clothes in the bathroom with Tara’s weird renaissance-witch clothing. She simply put it all on and didn’t take it off until the next day. The next day, she wandered out in just the cardigan and gave both of them heart attacks. The fact they thought they could outdo her is laughable at best. 

Buffy skipped her delivery days after their fight and Dawn picked up the slack.

“No, you don’t want the queen of spades. Keep up, kid.” Faith puts down a club and Dawn sticks her tongue out at Faith. She spends an embarrassing amount of time with Dawn but she’ll take any company other than the two she’s confined with.

Plus, Dawn’s not that bad. 

“You’re just jealous I’m winning.” Dawn brags.

Faith kind of wants to pull her hair out but she doesn’t because Dawn is still learning. “You have seventy points and I have twelve!”

“Exactly.”

“You’re fucking with me aren’t you?” Faith asks flatly, now wishing she could throttle Dawn.

“I don’t remember hearts being played with two people.” Tara says, plopping beside Faith and resting her hand on Faith’s back for a moment. The sun just set and it’s vampire safe in the doorway of their front door.

“We have ghost hands, sort of.” Faith defended.

“Is the ghost hand the mound of hundreds of cards?” Willow asks while she settles on Faith’s other side. 

“The ward makes it hard to play cards. You deal and suddenly half your deck is on the other side of the ward with no way to return it. We tried dealing on one side and Dawn would lift my cards to show me but her arms got tired.” Faith explains.

“She’s a liar.” 

“So now we’re using a fresh deck every time.”

“How could you have enough decks?” Tara asks.

“I talked Spike into buying us like every deck in town.” Dawn says proudly. “Do you guys want to play with us?” 

“I don’t really play cards, other than tarot, but sure.” 

Dawn looks so happy to see the two of them, Faith wonders how that feels. Dawn had two dependable people step up to take care of her after she lost her mother and her sister. Faith never really had a mother or a sister to lose let alone someone willing to step up. She never had someone who cared enough to make sure she was fed or happy. She wonders just what Willow and Tara mean to Dawn, or what Dawn means to them. Family, a concept Faith still can’t comprehend. 

They play hearts until they run out of cards. 

Tara picks a card at random from the deck and smiles mischievously, her exact expression before she usually tries to embarrass Faith. Willow is bobbing in place, excited for Tara’s attempt. It’s stupidly cute in a way that humans shouldn’t be able to be.

“Faith, this card is for you.” Tara says seriously and that’s how Faith knows it won’t be.

“If I refuse?” 

“War, dishonor.” Willow adds dramatically.

Faith sighs and Dawn looks confused. Faith extends her hand and Tara puts the card face down in her hand. Faith flips it and sighs louder, Willow laughs into Faith’s shoulder. “You’re the queen of our hearts.” Willow crows, entirely too amused by a card. It’s so corny and terrible that Faith hates knowing these two. If she were them, she could never look at herself in the mirror again, she’d die of shame. 

“What?” Dawn looks more confused.

“Your moms have decided to spend our forced time together tormenting me. I’m pretty sure I’m in a hell dimension. Gonna give the big guy a run for all of his money.” Brooding, evil sometimes, now a hell dimension. She should get matching t-shirts for them, she knows he’d wear it if she made it black. 

“Moms!” Willow and Tara burst out at the same time, offense painted clear as day.

“We’re clearly gay aunts!” Willow says.

“It’s an important distinction.” Tara adds.

“It’s like you don’t know anything about us, even after all of our forced time together.” Willow sighs.

“You think if I throw myself hard enough at the wards I’ll splatter myself?” Faith asks Dawn deadpan before Willow starts trying to drag her from the doorway. 

“You don’t get to splatter yourself before answering for your crimes!”

“Dawn! Ask Xander to get stuff to fix a human size whole in the wall.”

Dawn gives her curious looks after that day but never asks anything. 

Xander actually does bring her stuff to fix the wall so she puts on music and dedicates a day to fixing the mess Willow made when she threw Faith. 

She probably shouldn’t have let the wall stay fucked up for months but she was focused on her pseudo guard duties…and woodworking…and watching tv, maybe she just didn’t want to do it. 

Faith’s still fixing the wall when she hears Tara coming down the stairs. She’s got paint on her fingers and on her pants. She’ll have to ask Dawn to deliver her a new pair soon. She’s used to Tara in her space by this point so she doesn’t recognize at first that this is different.

Tara grabs her waist with a hand and noses behind Faith’s ear. Faith locks up, sensing not only that something is off but something is dangerous. “Tara.”

Tara’s hand tightens, pulling Faith further into her. Faith moves to brace a hand against the wall and Tara’s free hand follows, interlacing their fingers. “No biting, I’m strictly off the menu. Remember?” Tara’s tongue drags up the side of her neck and she shivers, turned on despite knowing the danger. Fuck it, she’s gotta get Tara off her now. She can throw her off but Tara seems pretty solidly in the vampire headspace right now and that might trigger a fight or feed response.

“What?” Willow’s shocked voice carries over to them.

“Red, a little help please?”

“Uhh.” Willow sounds like she’s swallowing her tongue and really, Faith needs a hand.

“Willow! Hungry vampire, near my neck, no clue what set her off. Peacefully get her off or I will throw her through a wall.” 

Tara drops like a sack of potatoes.

Faith whips around before she looks at Tara’s unconscious form and Willow’s bewildered expression. “We’ve got to work on your definition of peaceful.” 

“What?” Willow asks again, she looks like her brain broke. “It’s not my fault you were making a move on my girlfriend!”

Faith seethes. Willow, in a testament to how much time they’ve spent together, immediately notices the expression and looks regretful. Faith responds to hurt how she always does, by hurting the other person. “She’s hardly your girlfriend.” Willow flinches but doesn’t respond, she just crosses her arms. Faith leaves Tara next to the wall and moves towards Willow, dividing the room with sunlight. “Can you wake her up?” 

Tara snaps awake, vamp face on. Faith hopes she has enough recognition not to run into the sunlight. Living with Willow would be awkward if she killed her girlfriend-not-girlfriend. Tara shudders and looks away from them, vamp face gone next time she looks back around to them.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Tara cringes. Sheepish Tara is back, apparently.

“No harm done, Blondie. Wanna explain that?” 

Tara clears her throat awkwardly. “I’ve just been drinking bagged blood so I’ve become a little more sensitive to blood, I guess.”

“Which means?”

“You may want to ask Dawn for some hygiene products.” Tara’s smile twitches and Faith laughs.

“I see. Are you in control now?”

“Yes. I’m sorry.”

“S’all good.” Faith waves away her apology and moves to close the curtains.

“Wait! That’s it? She almost killed you and we’re all good now?” Willow’s mad at Tara now? Wasn’t she just mad at Faith? Faith can’t track her mood swings.

“I’m bleeding and she got the munchies, not exactly the worst any of us have done.” Faith shrugs, doing her best to act like she isn’t still worked up. She can’t blame Tara. Bloodlust and hunger is in a vampire’s nature. If she’s being honest, she’s surprised Tara is as controlled as she is. She’d have expected a few attempted attacks by now. Either Tara is exceptional at control, her survival instinct is running strong, she’s plotting something, or Willow may be right and there is more Tara than Faith thought. 

Willow mumbles about meditating and wanders away, even Tara shuffles away seemingly embarrassed. 

Can Faith clear out a room or what?


	4. Anyone Would Notice Me

Faith meant it when she said she didn’t hold it against Tara but it doesn’t stop her guard from going back up. Her eyes track Tara, her spine straightens when she enters a room. Tara notices and looks sad but in typical fashion, never pushes Faith.

Tara is good at respecting boundaries while also pushing people to do better. Willow never stood a chance with this girl.

Faith’s just finished with a new stake when she accidentally overhears the other two.

“I don’t know why I couldn’t stop.” Faith hears Willow’s watery voice as she moves to grab a beer. Tara and Willow are talking in Willow’s room, apparently in the midst of a serious conversation. “You were using some big magic. It would be hard to stop using it.” Tara replies.

“Still, what I did to you was-”

“Bad, very bad. Still, I was working on forgiving you. It was going to take work but we were back together. Why’d you try to end the world? That’s the one part I don’t understand. That’s not like you.”

“I don’t know.” Willow’s voice breaks, more vulnerable than Faith’s ever heard it. Faith suddenly feels like a voyeur. “At the time it made so much sense. I didn’t think I’d get you back, I thought you were as good as dead. I thought the world was better without all this pain. Something snapped.”

Faith debates with herself, wondering if she should give her two cents. She stops by the doorway, waiting for them to notice her. Willow smiles and self-consciously wipes away some tears. “Didn’t mean to eavesdrop, want my opinion?” Faith decides to offer. If Willow doesn’t want it, no skin off her back. 

“Yes.” Willow says it without hesitation, like she values Faith’s opinion. Weird.

“Like I’ve said before, it wasn’t just the magic. I’m guessing you got so deep into magic because you thought it made you special, powerful. You were used to thinking of yourself as the sidekick and next thing you know, you got a power boost. That’ll lead to a bit of a power trip for anyone. ‘Sides, Giles has a point. His sessions are helping you, you can’t really think of magic as a drug. It’s part of you.”

“And trying to cause the apocalypse?” Willow asks with a wry self-deprecation that Faith is familiar with. Even with reasons and understanding how she got to that place herself, Faith still hates it. She hates what she became and the choices she made.

“Tara noticed you and chose you, she loved you like no other. Everyone else treated you like a second choice. I’d be pretty fucking pissed if some nerd who hates women trapped that girl with a bunch of vampires.” 

Faith shrugs and wanders off, letting them talk it out. They need time to work out their own issues together. She has to give them space to work themselves out without her input. 

There’s only so much emotional talk she can deal with.

She turns on the tv and cracks her beer on the couch. Sometime later Willow and Tara leave the room and start cooking, laughing and talking in that nerdy way that means nothing to Faith. They have jokes and commentaries that she has no way of understanding but she sees the way it makes Tara’s lips spread in a wide happy smile and Willow’s eyes crinkle equally happy. They’re cute together. 

They move around each other easily after living together and loving each other for so long, there’s a sort of rhythm. They know how to move without knocking into the other, how to hand the other what they need without communicating. They’re cooking some witchy thing on the stove and Faith hopes it doesn’t smell weird. 

The phone rings and Faith groans but waves them away, wanting them to keep enjoying themselves. “Hell house, how may we service you?” 

“Faith, Dawn wants to come over.” It’s the first she’s heard from Buffy since their fight.

“Little D is always welcome, you know that.” Faith replies neutrally.

“She wants to be over there all the time, I usually have to tell her no.” 

“Why?”

“Tara and Willow took care of her while I was…dead.”

“No I get they’re all close, I just mean why are you stopping her from coming over?”

“She can’t be over all the time.”

“We don’t mind.” There’s a beat of silence and Faith rests her hand on the wall, not pressing hard enough to push through the wall but enough to ease some irritation. “You don’t trust us.” 

“That’s not it, exactly.” Buffy starts and Faith laughs bitterly.

“I get you don’t trust me but I’m here helping and I have no intentions of hurtin’ D, she’s a good kid. Yeah, Tara’s soulless but fuck even then she’s a better influence then most of the others. She still cares more about Dawn than just about anyone. I don’t wanna know if you don’t trust her near Willow ‘cus that really might make me punch your lights out. You can’t come by talking about how much you trust and love her and turn around and keep Dawn from her. They’re both doing great and they treat Dawn like their own.” Faith didn’t mean to chew Buffy’s head off but a protective rage came over her. It’s different from her usual irritation with Buffy. She just can’t listen to Buffy rag on either of them, even if she won’t do it directly. She’s sure Buffy had a nice lie to pretend it was something else.

“Dawn will be over in a bit.” Buffy hangs up after a few moments of quiet.

Faith doesn’t slam the phone, she carefully places it back. She rubs at her jaw and moves away to the open stares from Willow and Tara, shit. She wasn’t as quiet as she hoped. Faith rolls her eyes and grabs another beer. “Don’t make a crack about my going soft, I just wanted another reason to go after Buffy.”

Tara’s eyes shimmer with amusement and she looks touched. “Of course you did.” She agrees with Faith but she knows Tara is just humoring her. 

“You, caring? I would never think such a thing.” Willow’s looking just as dopey and Faith grunts, walking away from them. 

“Do we win by embarrassing her if she did it to herself?” She hears Tara quietly ask Willow and Faith grumbles at Willow’s resounding giggle. She hates them both.

Dawn does come over, escorted by a reluctant Buffy. Buffy stays on the sidewalk while Dawn walks up the porch and leaves without saying anything. 

“I don’t know what you said but thank you! She wasn’t going to let me over.” Dawn is overly energized considering for her it really is the middle of the night. Faith’s always been nocturnal but living with a vampire has made her miss the sun. 

“Just called her on her shit.” Faith shrugs and sits down. Dawn is happy and Faith’s constant fear the kid will forget the wards and burst over to hug Willow and Tara is running strong. 

“I brought food!” Dawn slides three pizza boxes through the door and Faith is quick to snag one. She doesn’t get much takeout since being confined here. 

“You ever need me to beat someone up for you, let me know.” Faith devours half a slice in one bite and Dawn looks grimly fascinated. 

“Anyone?” 

“No beating people up.” Willow narrows her eyes, taking a slice out of Faith’s box. 

“Get your own.” Faith kicks the other boxes towards her. 

“It’s better when it’s yours.” 

Faith can’t help the offended look. “I don’t share.” 

“Get used to it.” Willow shrugs, unrepentant. 

“How’ve you been?” Tara asks Dawn, a hint of worry in her voice. Faith’s pretty sure if anyone tried hurting Dawn they’d be in for a rude awakening, she’s got more than a few powerful people looking out for her.

Dawn smiles and Faith can tell it’s fake, she’s good at spotting liars. She looks about ready to cover up or act strong. “You can be real here, no judgement.” Faith says between bites.

Dawn looks guilty at being caught. “You guys have so much going on, I don’t want to add to it.” 

Tara looks like a warrior, the absolute fierce determination on her face. She wishes she would have gotten to know her better before. Yeah, Tara’s a nice girl. Everyone knows that. She wishes she was around to know more, be entrusted with more. She wants to see Tara at her strongest, defending those who she loves. Faith is willing to bet Tara could and would lay anyone out who looked at Willow or Dawn wrong. She wants to see what Tara looks like when she’s angry. She wants Tara to trust her on the hard days and feel comfortable enough to tell her things she doesn’t tell anyone else.

“You are never a burden, Dawnie. Never. We always have time for you.” Shit. The kid is about to cry, Faith tries to not visibly freak out. She does not do well with tears. They weren’t really something tolerated or humored where she grew up. She tries not to ever think about the time she cried on Angel. Angel proves once again to be one of her favorite people by never mentioning it.

“I know you can’t come in here but this is your home too.” Willow backs Tara up. 

They give her a look and she chokes. They expect her to say something? They think she has the emotional range to deal with a weepy Dawn Summers. “I told B that you were always welcome here and I meant it. It’s never a bad time for you.” They look pleased so she pats herself on the back. They’ll make a functioning human out of her yet.

Dawn spends hours confiding in how she feels like she’s falling through the cracks again, how Buffy barely feels like a person let alone a sister. She struggles with knowing Buffy died for her, Buffy works a terrible job for her, knowing Buffy loves her but still feels that hurt of being overlooked. She likes Spike but he recently left town, which she says messed Buffy up more. She feels like no one really sees her or cares about her except Willow and Tara. Giles is busy fretting over Buffy, Xander is wrapped up in his own life, Anya is Anya. They’re all busy trying to find a way to get Tara’s soul back and that takes most of their time and energy.

Tara and Willow seemingly have a good response for everything, something that makes Dawn feel better. Faith is proud of them again when they prove her so true, they’re exactly what Dawn needs. Fuck Buffy and her inflated self-importance.

She ignores that she knows Buffy is a good sister and an even better person because sometimes, she just wants to simmer. Pettiness may not be a therapist approved method of sorting through feelings but it has Faith’s stamp of approval.

“They’re missing out by not hanging with you.” Faith puts in easily as she stands to leave the three of them.

Dawn smiles at that but then looks cautious. “Are you leaving?”

“Figured I’d let the three of you catch up.” 

Dawn fidgets looking away before looking back at her. “You can stay, you know. If you want to.” 

Faith is bewildered but she nods. “Let me grab another beer and sure thing.”

Buffy comes by to pick Dawn up hours later. Dawn is tired but her smile is a lot easier after unloading a bit. Buffy actually notices and gives them a smile, even meeting Faith’s eyes. 

Faith watches Buffy walk away with a few too many feelings.

Faith closes the door and looks away from Tara’s knowing eyes. 

Dawn basically takes over all the deliveries so that she can come over roughly every day. She stays for a few hours, usually. 

Faith surprises herself with the amount of time she spends with Dawn. She would have thought she’d just let Tara and Willow take care of it. 

“Hey, Red.” Faith starts a conversation she’s been meaning to have for a while now. Tara isn’t around at the moment, maybe showering or sleeping. She figured it’s as good as anytime. 

She’s not ashamed of her past or even current sex life. She likes how she dresses, she feels confident and powerful in her clothes. So on one hand, she isn’t bothered by the comments Willow made when they were younger. On the other, she’s very bothered. She doesn’t want Willow thinking of her like that and she feels pathetic for caring about how someone sees her. Her comment after Tara’s near feed has been replaying in her mind for weeks. 

“Yeah?” Willow seems to realize Faith’s tone is serious and she leans away from the crystals she was doing something with. 

Faith isn’t really sure how to ask about it. “I’m not trying to start shit.”

“That’s usually how I start conversations as well.” Willow remarks with a smile but her eyes look creased and worried. 

“When you thought I was trying to make a move on Tara-”

“Super sorry about that.” Willow cuts in as if she can’t stop herself before closing her mouth, miming it locked.

“It came out pretty quick. Reminded me of some of your comments when we were younger. Skanky, leather wearing, easy, the whole deal.” Willow looks guilty and that’s not exactly what Faith wants. She doesn’t want to hurt Willow. She has enough rehashing the past and getting pissed with Buffy, she absolutely does not want that kind of relationship with Willow. 

It isn’t the same though. Buffy can’t see she’s wrong, or at least won’t admit it to Faith. They can’t have an honest conversation. Willow can and does. Faith did terrible things to Willow and her friends and they both recognize that, Willow also realizes she said hurtful things. The thing is, she doesn’t want Willow to hurt or feel guilty but that’s not hers to control. How people react is up to them. Willow realizes she said bad things and owns up to it, it would be a disservice if Faith tried to argue how Willow deals with it. 

“I said some dumb things, hurtful things. I’m sorry.”

Faith wants to groan, talking is so not her strong suit. “That’s not what I’m angling for.” She doesn’t really need or want an apology, not after everything.

Willow scrunches her face and Faith hates that it makes her so cute. “It’s not angling to want an apology for poor behavior.”

“Jesus. I just wanted to know if you still think that, I don’t care about back then. When you saw Tara-”

“No, no.” Willow interrupts, moving closer to Faith. “It was a bad reaction and a bad thing to say at the time but that’s not what I think about you at all. I had a lot going on in my head, that’s no excuse but that’s the reason.”

Willow looks on the verge of apologizing two hundred times and Faith really doesn’t want that. She feels physical relief at knowing that isn’t how Willow thinks of her. “Honestly, I can’t always be the asshole around here. I’m glad you’re picking up the slack.” 

Willow scoffs, shoving Faith. Her hand slides down, resting on her forearm but not moving away. “You will always hold number one.”

Faith’s lips twist into a smug smirk. “May I reign supreme.” 

Willow smiles at her with so much naked affection that Faith’s heart skips a beat.

She really tries to keep some space between Tara, Willow, and herself after her conversation with Willow. She fails at even that simple goal.


	5. It’s Magic, I can Tell

It was all going too well, Faith tells Dawn later. She should have expected something to go terribly. 

She’s in the garage working on her project and blasting music which is why she doesn’t hear it at first. It takes a vampire flying through the wall and her danger vibes going off the charts for her to get a clue. 

She races out of the garage to find Willow hitting vampires with some serious magic and Tara trying and failing to hold her own against a muscular gray demon. Faith freezes, trying to assess who’s in more danger. Willow has more enemies but Tara has the strongest, probably.

“Help Willow!” Tara shouts at her, vamp face on and her voice hard. Faith suppresses a shiver, it’s so not the time.

Faith nods and jumps into the fray, grabbing a stake from her woodworking table. She is quick to dispatch the vampires, not wanting to risk Tara or Willow’s safety. She keeps an eye on Tara’s situation and gets a hard kick to the shins for her divided attention. Still, better than the beating Tara is taking. 

“I’m good now, help Tara.” Willow tells her once they’ve thinned out the ranks.

“Bossy.” Faith grumbles but goes over, hitting the demon with the hardest punch she can muster. She hated seeing the demon hit Tara. She retrieves an axe she hid under the kitchen counter, as all reasonable people do, and chops the demons head off. She becomes the unfortunate victim of blood spray. She turns and sees Willow has dispatched the last of the vampires so she turns to Tara.

She winces at Tara’s slightly bloodied and beat up form. “You okay?” Willow asks, worried.

“I do not have the combat experience to fight hulking demons.” Tara replies.

“Not so great with the violence?” Willow asks with a small smile and Tara looks at her with so much tenderness that Faith has to look away. 

Faith walks over and grabs a hand towel to get some of the goopy blood off of her. She hopes it isn’t acidic or has some magical properties to it. It’s generally not a great idea to get demon fluids on her. She walks back out to see Tara still on the floor, her head against the wall. “Red, grab two blood bags and heat them up.” 

“Who’s bossy now?” Willow playfully grumbles on her way to the kitchen. 

Faith walks over to the phone and dials Buffy’s number, hoping the slayer is home. “Hello?”

“Hey D, put your sister on the phone?”

“Buffy! Faith is calling!” Faith pulls the phone away at Dawn’s shrill scream. “Everything okay?” 

“We had uninvited company. Speaking of, how did vampires get in here?”

“Technically, no one owns that house.” Dawn says quickly.

“No one thought that was important to tell me? Or an oversight?”

“It’s worked out okay so far?” 

There’s a bit of racket as Buffy takes the phone. “What’s up?”

“Lots of vamps and a demon, no clue what kind.” 

“We can’t exactly get in but you could drag the body over to the door, Giles might know what it is.” 

“Sounds good.”

“I’ll head over.” Buffy hangs up and Faith puts the phone back. 

“Alright, you’re fucked up so you’re sleeping this off.” Faith declares and Tara smiles.

“How do you think I’ll manage those stairs?” Tara asks with a grin, just a hint of teasing.

“Crawl.” Faith answers, not entertaining her.

“You would never make her crawl let alone when injured.” Willow, the traitor, says.

“How long are we going to argue before you pick me up?” Tara challenges. Faith seriously considers leaving her on the floor. 

Faith knows they’re right. Tara’s probably not that injured, vampires are resilient like that. Still, Faith worries. Faith eventually kneels down and wraps an arm under her. “If you bite me, I swear.” Faith mumbles not as convincingly as she wishes. The fact that they both knew she was going to pick Tara up and decided to tease her over it is more than a little embarrassing. She used to have a reputation. 

“We don’t want that.” Tara sounds too amused. Faith will take the nervous wreck she first met back now, where’s her receipt? Willow follows behind Faith, a cup of warm blood in one hand. 

She’s steadfastly avoiding thinking about how close Tara’s teeth are to her throat, how warm Willow’s hand feels against her lower back, and especially how Tara’s smirking at the way Faith’s breathing is elevated. She’s not thinking about a single one of those things. Tara is playing with the bottom of Faith’s tank top, her fingers keep brushing Faith’s stomach. Faith’s entirely sure that is intentional because Tara is too insufferably smug. 

Faith starts up the stairs and Willow’s hand stays firm, she’s sure there’s an excuse for it being there for support on the tip of Willow’s tongue. She’s pretty sure it’s not there for support. She doesn’t ask, doesn’t acknowledge it.

Faith’s blood is pounding. That’s the first time slaying in months, although she didn’t slay much in prison either. Tara’s fingers are brazenly dragging paths along her skin and Willow’s pinky is resting along the visible line of skin between her pants and tank top. Tara drops her head on Faith’s shoulder, lips too close to the crook of her neck. It just makes it worse. 

How’s she gonna keep giving Buffy shit if the idea of Tara biting her isn’t gross anymore but rather something she can definitely be into? Something she is into. 

This is so not good. 

She’s been cramped in a house with a vampire too long. 

Faith reaches Tara’s room after what feels like the longest time. Faith hasn’t actually been in the room since she first brought Tara here. It’s all decorated now. Books are scattered throughout the room, a computer is on a desk but not hooked up, candles lay around in varying degrees of used, a tapestry on the wall at the head of Tara’s bed. More or less it’s exactly what she thought it would look like.

Faith lays Tara on the bed and Tara doesn’t just let her go. Tara’s hand pulls her arm in and Faith has to lean over her. She still feels Willow pressed against her, legs against legs and her hand bunching Faith’s shirt. “Thank you.” Tara whispers, the stillness of the moment lasts a long time. Faith feels like she’s on fire, pinned between the two of them with Tara looking at her in a way that makes Faith’s skin buzz. The healed scratch on her throat tingles and she wants to lean in. She wants to close the distance that she’s sure Tara is urging her to, that Willow is all but pushing her to. She wants what she’s wanted for months now. 

She leans back instead, momentarily molding into Willow before she retreats. She can’t be involved in this, no matter how much she wants to be. 

Willow and Tara are Willow and Tara and she’s just Faith. Tara also isn’t Tara, not really. She knows that’s why Willow is keeping her distance as well. Anything with Faith would just be temporary and neither Tara or Willow seem like temporary kinds of gals. Faith has to leave after they figure out Tara’s issue, she has a cell waiting for her.

She isn’t a fan of being confined but overall, it’s not been terrible with them. It’s all just temporary, she can’t settle in. She can’t let herself want anything, not when it has a deadline. 

Faith stays rooted in place for a beat, two sets of eyes watching her every move. 

Faith nods, swallowing harshly, before taking her leave. Willow will make sure Tara drinks the blood and can take care of her, she’s pretty sure Willow won’t take the clear invitation. She had to get out of there, if for her sanity if nothing else.

She stops at the foot of the stairs, looks at the gross blood on the walls and dusty floor. 

She doesn’t move for however long it takes Buffy and the others to arrive. Her brain is overloading. Part of her wants to go lock herself in her room and deal with this herself, part of her wants to go back upstairs, most of her is struggling to believe that it actually happened. 

There’s a knock on the door and she’s torn out of her stupor. She opens the door and Buffy’s eyebrows shoot up. “Whoa.” 

“What?” She snaps and Xander nervously laughs.

“Are you okay?” Dawn asks.

“Five by five. Got knocked around a little, knocked them around a lot.”

“Is that blood?” Buffy asks.

“Yeah, cutting its head off was messy.” Faith groans. “Forgot to drag the body over, one sec.” Faith drags the body over and then grabs the head for them.

“Interesting, did they say anything?” Giles asks.

“Not while I was there. I missed the beginning so they could have monologued for all I know.”

“Where’s Willow and Tara?” 

Faith winces. “Tara got a bit banged up so she's resting upstairs, Willow’s with her.” 

“I’m here.” Willow comes up besides Faith. “They did monologue, something about revenge against Xander. Which is a bit of a plot twist.” 

“What did I do?” Xander sounds offended and Faith has to grin, then she catches sight of Spike.

“You’re back?” Faith asks, surprised.

He grimaces, a bit shaky. She’s seen wide horrified eyes like his many times in her life.“Yeah, might have sped up getting her soul back.”

“You mean…”

“Got my soul back.” Spike sounds so sad, so destroyed that Faith actually feels sorry for him. Angel is one of the most important people in Faith’s life and he’s told her how hard it is living with the things he did while he didn’t have a soul. It’s one of the reasons she was all for keeping Tara locked up in here, unable to hurt anyone. She doesn’t want Tara having too many deaths on her consciousness.

“Good for you.” He looks pained when he nods. “You should ask Dawn for her schedule, come by sometime.” He looks surprised but nods. It’s no secret that she doesn’t really like Spike. 

“Why?” Xander asks suspiciously. 

“He’s always got cigarettes on him.” Faith shrugs, as if that’s the only reason. Willow heads to the room, tired after using so much magic. The others all wander off except Buffy. “We fighting again? I’m pretty tired.” Tired doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface.

Buffy shakes her head. “No. We- no. He’s pretty fragile.”

“This a warning not to mess with your guy’s head?” 

Buffy looks angry for a moment but calms down. “No. I’m pretty sure you’re going to try and help him, just letting you know to be careful when you try.”

Faith does a double take. “What makes you think I’m gonna help him? Not exactly my MO.” She’s historically a selfish person, after all.

Buffy smiles, really smiles, at her. “You helped me the moment I asked.” Faith doesn’t want to explain to her why that’s different. “You’re helping Willow and Tara. You help Dawn, she looks happier every time she comes home from here. You even told Xander to stop being an idiot about Anya and him. They’re dating again, by the way.”

Faith makes a face. “Exceptions, not the rule.”

Buffy smiles wider and she isn’t sure if she’s seeing things but Buffy looks happier than she has since she busted Faith out of prison. Since coming back from the dead. “Thank you.” Faith sort of can’t believe she’s hearing that so she just mutely nods. Buffy turns to leave, waving goodbye with her fingers. Faith shuts the door close with a click and stares at it for a moment. 

Willow and her lay in bed in silence. Neither speak but the air between them hums with energy. Faith doesn’t really sleep and she’s pretty sure Willow doesn’t either. 

The relationships in the house change after that event. 

There's electricity, a possibility, something none of them will broach. 

Faith tries her best to angle the two of them closer together, tries to excise herself from the situation, but they aren’t letting her. They don’t let her push them away, even if she’s doing it more gently than how she usually pushes people away. 

Spike shows up as promised, usually once or twice a week. She is careful in how she talks to him at Buffy’s request. He’s still a bastard who doesn’t take much seriously, which she probably doesn’t work well with since she’s too similar. He’s also seriously struggling. He did horrible things as a vampire, atrocious things with no amount of empathy. Now he has a soul, empathy, and can vividly remember every single thing he’s ever done.

He tossed her a lighter she could keep the first time, it’s obnoxiously decorated with vampire fangs.

The sun had just set when he shows up one day. 

Spike doesn’t leave immediately after he hands her the bag. He never does, they usually talk and smoke for a bit. This time it’s like he knows she has something to say. “Did you love Drusilla?”

Spike looks confused but answers anyways. “Dru was my everything.” Not exactly a no, not exactly a yes. 

“Could you love?” 

Understanding dawns on his face and she hopes he doesn’t say anything dumb or she’ll stake him when she gets out of here. As is, she’s only asking because she knows Tara and Willow are both asleep. “She got to you, huh? You should be careful, that’s her angle.” 

“I’m asking for Willow.”

“Sure you are.” He sounds amused by her.

Faith is about to close the door when a different question, one that’s been on her mind since she saw him outside the house. “Do you love her?” 

Spike immediately understands the question. “Yes. As best I can.”

“Is it enough?”

He considers that for a long moment. “I haven’t told you why I got my soul back.”

“No, you haven’t.”

He lights a cigarette and looks off into the distance. “We were arguing pretty bad. She said I could never understand her. I told her I try my best and I love her, she told me I can’t even know what love is so how could I love her. I challenged her and she brought up a lot of our relationship, a lot of the ugly. I’ve done and said terrible things to her to try and get her to care about me, to have sex with me. We were horrible for each other, I realized. Most of it came down to my not having a soul, something was missing in a relationship between a vampire and a human. I needed a soul and we needed a break.”

From the little she knows of love, that sounds like it. Wanting to be and to do better for the person you care about. He somehow realized even as a soulless vampire he needed a soul to be the best person for Buffy, for himself. “Do you regret it?”

“Not for a moment.”

“Do you think she was right? Could you not love her without a soul?” 

Spike looks at her for a long moment. “Angel and I have different ideas about this. He’s separated Angelus and himself so much in his mind that they’re completely different entities. Angelus has to be a sociopathic monster who can’t feel love and to him that means all vampires must be the same. I don’t know if it was love but I believe so. I loved Dru. I loved Buffy enough to go against everything Angel believes. If he were right, the demon wouldn’t have voluntarily allowed me to get my soul back.” Faith isn’t sure if that answer makes things worse and more confusing or better. “Just, be careful. I might have been capable of love but I also might be fooling myself. One thing I do know, I was a monster.” 

Faith nods, taking him seriously. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Why didn’t you ever make a move on Buffy?” Spike asks her. He’s curious, not confrontational. 

Faith locks up at someone knowing but releases a breath at being able to talk about it. “I wasn’t the kind of person who could love or be loved back then.” 

“And now?”

“We aren’t like that anymore.” An oversimplification.

Spike laughs but it isn’t rude, which is surprising for him. Then again, he hasn’t been rude all night. “Sucks for you but good for me.” 

Faith isn’t sure if they are together or will be, she certainly doesn’t know how Buffy feels about him. She wonders if they’ll ever be at a place to talk about those kind of things again or if they’ll only ever fight. “Good luck, treat her well.”

Spike smirks. “I treat her very well.”

“Disgusting.” Faith shuts the door and hears his laughter through the door.


	6. How You Set Me Free

Faith’s laying on her bed, reading a trashy comic that Dawn gave her, when Tara walks in. Tara sits on the bed and swings her legs over, laying down beside Faith. “Want to read something that doesn’t make you groan every five minutes?” Tara asks.

“It’s not every five minutes.” Tara laughs at her weak defense. It’s a terrible comic and it’s absolutely every five minutes.

“Here.” Tara hands her a book and Faith sets down the comic. She brushes against Tara’s fingers when she takes the book and Faith’s quick to retreat.

“What is it?” 

“Mine.” Tara replies, like she didn’t totally throw Faith with the statement.

“I didn’t know that you write.” If she’s more excited to read it, sue her. 

“I used to. I published them online for free.” Tara’s watching her reactions, her undivided attention on Faith. It’s a bit unnerving. 

“Why is it a book then?” 

“I know you hate computers more than I do.” 

Faith is touched by the gesture and cracks the book open. 

_To my beautiful girlfriend, who reminds me everyday that love is magic._

Tara must have written this story at some point during the past few years. Faith’s fingers trace the words with a hint of sorrow for Tara and Willow. She wonders how much love Tara feels like this. Does she still feel these words in her heart?

She flips the page and starts reading.

Tara somehow ends up with her head pillowed on Faith’s legs and she takes over reading the comic. She’s better at controlling her own displeased groans but her face does twist up with distaste occasionally.

Tara’s writing is good and incredibly technical. Tara breaks down the difficult subject matter, making it easy to understand but not condescending in its tone. She has so much elaborate witchcraft Faith wonders if Tara’s readers know that they’re reading from a witch.

Tara develops a sixth sense for whenever Faith’s reading, she always cuddles up to Faith, and starts giving her more and more books. Faith hasn’t ever had an inclination to read but she’s done a lot of things she never thought she would during their isolation. If it brings a smile to Tara’s lips or a soft look of consideration to Willow, who’s she to say no? She learns a lot about Tara, or rather the Tara before, through her writing. 

Her theory of Tara’s family seems more legit the more she reads about shitty biological families. She loved Willow like no person should be able to love another. It’s humbling and frightening, knowing someone is capable of so much love. She’s smart, like the kinda smart Faith can’t help but be both envious and proud of. She always knew Tara was intelligent but not at this level. 

No one mentions the monstrosity she’s been working on in the garage. They don’t go out there since Faith gets caught up in it and it tends to be too loud for them. To cover her bases and protect the privacy of the project, she boasted about how pornographic it is. They avoid the garage like a plague. All in a day’s work.

It isn’t a day, she’s been painstakingly working on it for months, but they don’t realize how important it’s become to her. She needs it to be perfect. She reads Tara’s book and sees Willow’s spell and she wants something she does, something she creates, to be good enough. Good enough for what, she doesn’t know. Good enough for them? For her? For some larger than life scheme?

She just knows it’s important and she doesn’t want the surprise spoiled so she laughs and goads them about how raunchy it is.

Faith is nodding off while Tara reads beside her. Faith’s own book is held loosely in her hands, slowly slipping away. Faith knows she shouldn’t fall asleep, she sleeps downstairs so Tara doesn’t kill her in her sleep after all. She isn’t sure when she got so comfortable around Tara. She loses the battle and eventually dozes off.

She dreams of three walls closing in, a phone call only one person ever answers, a bitter cold, and a heavy feeling in her chest.

She wakes up with her head on Tara’s shoulder. Tara’s still reading and resting her cheek on Faith’s head. Faith’s warm, the kinda warm you get sharing body heat with someone else. Tara must have shared the blanket with Faith at some point while she was asleep. “Willow is cooking.” Tara says quietly. Faith decides not to overreact and just go with it, for now at least.

“God help us.” Tara laughs at her words and Faith can feel her body vibrate, she doesn’t move away when she should.

Xander breaks the domestic bubble they’ve found themselves in. “Oh yeah, we think we’re close to figuring out how to return Tara’s soul. No curses or long trials necessary.” He tells her happily.

Tara is stressed and twitchy the rest of the day and Willow looks like a cross between excited and worried.

Faith figures she’ll have to lace her peacekeeper boots back up.

It’s hard because the realization slams into Faith. The anxiety and fear she’s kept at bay takes over. It’s going to be over soon and as much as she wants the best for Tara, she doesn’t want it to be over. She doesn’t want to go back to how it was. She can’t think about how it makes her feel that soon she won’t be needed, soon she’ll be back to the gray walls and metal bars.

She won’t wake up next to Willow or read with Tara. She won’t have friendly teasing or warm smiles. She’ll just have Angel checking in and a bunch of girls who’d stab her if they could. She’ll be as stagnant as she is here without any of the happiness. 

It’s what she deserves, she knows this. It’s her penance, it’s how she takes responsibility for what she did. 

They’re all laying in bed, not even pretending to read or something else. Faith raps her fingers against her stomach, nervous at the building tension. Willow is curled into Tara, seeking comfort or protection. Faith isn’t sure any of them will get any comfort until this is done. It was taken away the moment Xander said they were close, the moment reality had to sink in. 

This isn’t a peaceful silence, it’s the quiet before an explosion.

“I know you two talk and wonder about what’s different and the same with me. What the difference between human and vampire Tara is. You know one thing I’m glad about not having a soul for?” 

Hearing Tara talk about not having a soul when she’s rubbing circles on Willow’s back is a trip. Two things that shouldn’t exist together yet makes so much sense. “What?”

“I spent most of my human life hating myself and fearing my demon. When I get that soul you want for me, I’ll know exactly what I am and have the humanity to hate myself again. I’ll be the demon I always thought I was.” Tara’s voice cracks with fear and Willow lifts herself onto her arms, fingers soothing Tara’s worried expression away. Tara tilts her head and kisses Willow’s palm.

“You won’t be a demon.” Willow says stubbornly.

“Vampires are demons by definition.” 

“Yeah but not like a demon-demon, you’ll be a good demon.” Willow continues to argue.

“A good demon who hates her very existence. We could just, we could be like this. I’m different but I’m still me. I s-still love you.” Tara voice shakes, her old stutter returning.

Willow’s face melts and she’s visibly holding herself back from kissing Tara. Tara leans up and softly presses her lips against Willow’s. Willow makes a sound in her throat and pushes forward, deepening the kiss. 

Faith feels Tara’s hand land on the top of her thigh, not pushing for more but reminding her that she’s part of this. Faith can’t be part of this. She can’t. 

She realizes this was Tara’s game all along. 

She _knew_ she had to keep her guard up. She forgot somewhere along the way to be cautious, to not trust. 

Tara had to get Willow’s trust back and her love will follow, Willow’s never stopped loving Tara. It wouldn’t be too hard to get Willow wrapped around her finger. Faith just didn’t realize how extensively the plan included her. She’s the harder target. 

She didn’t have that pre-existing love to work off of. She had to get Faith to care for her, love her, of her own volition. She played as close to human Tara because anything less would have tipped off Willow, who knows her best.

Vampire Tara has to know that anyone would fall head over heels for human Tara. She has to know that Faith would be helpless against her.

It’s just self-preservation, seduce the two people most likely to return the soul. The two people most likely to be able to stop it from happening. If Angel is right, there’s two entities in a vampire. The person and the demon. In that way, Angelus was the real monster all along. Angel still has to atone because it was him but at the same time, it wasn’t. Angel says when he is himself Angelus is still there, just suppressed.

She imagines the same is true here, with Tara. The demon part of her is afraid of being killed or imprisoned like Angelus, it’s latching onto anything to survive. 

She’s pretty sure this isn’t genuine. This is an act, the whole plan. 

It has to be.

It can’t be real.

Tara can’t feel anything for Faith, it’s gutting and reassuring. It makes sense to Faith, she can’t matter to Tara as anything more than a pawn. A piece to maneuver for her game, for her survival. 

Faith surely wouldn’t be stupid enough to catch feelings for Tara. Right? She kept her distance. She didn’t even really flirt, not like how she usually does. She didn’t do or say anything that would give her away, right?

If it’s not real, why can’t she take Tara’s hand off her leg then? 

If none of it was real, not on Tara or Faith’s part, why does Faith want nothing more than to take Tara’s hand? To close the distance between her and the two of them? To be part of WillowandTara?

Because she fell. For the plan, for her, Faith isn’t sure. All she knows is she’s in free fall.

She knows from experience, there’s no one to catch her.

Faith pulls away and swings her legs over the bed, resting her elbows on her knees. 

“I got carried away.” Willow says embarrassed, self-conscious. Faith doesn’t want to make Willow self-conscious, she doesn’t want Willow to ever think negatively of herself. Especially not because of Faith. 

That’s not what is messing with Faith’s head, not entirely. Admittedly watching Willow and Tara kiss did mess with her head a bit just not in the way Willow’s afraid of.

“Faith.” Tara’s tone is still scared, pleading. Faith’s stomach rolls, she closes her eyes and covers her face with her hands. Someone’s hand lands on her back, they move up and down trying to help. She isn’t really sure anything can help her out right now. 

She feels sick. She doesn’t know what to do. Would Tara hate herself, hate being a demon? Would Willow and Faith be condemning her to a life of suffering? Is anything that’s happened in the last year real? Was it all a ploy from the demon who sounds like she’s about to cry? She doesn’t want to make Tara suffer, she doesn’t want to control her life by deciding whether it’s better to return her soul or not. No one should have this much control over another person’s life. 

This is why she didn’t want to be close. This is why she didn’t want to care.

Faith stands up. “I’m going to the garage.”

“Faith, please.” 

Faith can’t look at Tara when she leaves, there’s too much going on in her head.

Willow stays with Tara for hours. Faith turns on all the equipment and turns her music up loud but all she does is stares at the wall. Willow walks out and sits down next to Faith, her eyes are on the project Faith’s been working on. Faith’s glad she didn’t uncover it, that she didn’t actually try to work on it. Even if everything goes to shit, she still wants her project to be perfect.

“I never told you what I did.” Willow says.

“You’ve told me a lot.”

“Not what made Tara mad at me. Not what broke us up.”

“What’d you do, Red?” Faith doesn’t see how this is going to solve anything. She’s just so damn tired of getting a hint of happiness, a bit of hope, and losing it. 

“I erased her memories.” Faith jolts and Willow smiles sadly, knowing exactly how bad that is. “She was angry, rightfully so. What I did was a violation. I promised not to mess with her like that again.” 

“What are you trying to say?” 

“It’s possible she’ll struggle with being a vampire, a demon. We both know she killed people before you got her in here, that’s going to destroy her. I like to think I know her pretty well. She would want her soul, her control. It’ll hurt but it’s what she’d want.”

Faith kicks a wood chip away, watching it smack into a cabinet. “I thought you’d be gung-ho for keeping everything as is.” 

“I’m not the only one comfortable with things.” Willow says pointedly and Faith doesn’t have a response for that. “I do think there’s more Tara in there than anyone would think. I also think there isn’t enough.”

“She’s going to be pissed.” 

Willow looks away from Faith. “Which is why I lied. I told her I agreed and she shouldn’t get her soul and I’d convince you.” 

Faith is surprised. “She believed it?”

“Both of you assume I went head over heels into her ‘I swear I’m not evil’ kool-aid. She believed me.”

Faith feels admonished. “Guess you didn’t fall for it all then?”

“No. I’ve never forgotten what she is, what they turned her into. I fell for a lot of it though. I already loved her. Loving her is just so easy. It comes naturally.” 

Faith leans back in her chair. “Yeah.” 

Willow and Faith look at each other out of the corner of their eyes. 

They don’t talk about the rest of it, it’s not the time. 

Tara acts like normal, always smiling and laying it on thick. 

She hopes Tara will have an answer when she gets her soul back for if any of this was real. She hopes it was, even if it was just a bit.

Faith has also gotten better at identifying when Tara is flirting with her and quickly tries to get Willow to distract her. 

Faith is glum one day, rubbing her stomach. Tara notices. 

“You feel okay?” Tara asks after Willow gives her another worried glance.

“Wanna hear a joke?” Faith asks blandly. 

“Sure.” Tara answers hesitantly. 

“I bet you’ve heard this one, Blondie. A soulless vampire, a black magic addict, and a rogue slayer on the mend all get locked in a house together.”

“What’s the punchline?”

“We’re fucking living it.” 

What a joke their lives have become, she can’t help but think bitterly. Who thought locking them all together was a brilliant idea? None of them are good for each other. They’re all too raw in their own pain and healing. Faith isn’t good for anyone. It was destined to end terribly. Again, she blames Giles. 

“Does it still hurt?” Willow asks, ignoring the pointed jab.

“What?” Faith’s question comes out with a snap yet she’s confused.

“Today’s the day Buffy stabbed you. Does it still hurt?” Willow pushes through, not deterred by Faith’s hostility. 

Faith stares at Willow, surprised she remembers the date. “It always does, Red.” She hates that Willow sees through her so easily, hates that she won’t have someone who knows her so well soon.

She ends up squished between the two of them on the couch and they turn on some action movie even though they don’t really like action movies. Faith does like them and that’s enough for the other two to suffer through it. Faith burrows in and they draw closer, not trapping her but keeping her grounded. Here and not on that rooftop, staring at Buffy’s shocked expression. They weren’t supposed to be good for each other, they can’t be. 

She doesn’t want to lose this but she knows their time is running to a close.

She shouldn’t have gotten attached.

She knows when the scoobies all walk in without consulting them, it’s time. They wouldn’t have risked the wards otherwise. They probably want to catch Tara off guard but she’s quick to react. Faith knows Tara is going to lash out as soon as it is obvious what they’re here for. Faith sees Buffy ready herself, twitch as if she’s going to intercept Tara. 

Absolutely not.

Buffy does not get to come in here and put her hands on Tara. Faith can recognize the irony, they called in Faith because she had no attachment to Tara. She was supposed to be the uncaring muscle who would do the hard things. Now, she rebels at the thought of Buffy holding on too tight or for too long. 

Faith lunges right as Tara moves toward Giles, pinning her against a wall. Tara’s hands lash out and Faith grabs her wrists, holding them together. Her fingers scratch at Faith’s stomach but she doesn’t have enough room to do much damage. Tara throws her shoulders but Faith presses her harder into the wall, hearing it crack. Faith thinks about her mistake a second before Tara’s teeth pierce her skin.

Faith hisses at the pain before Tara starts pulling, ripping. She isn’t trying to drink from Faith, she’s just trying to get her off her. She sends Tara a mental apology before Tara’s face gets pushed back from her. Willow’s holding Tara’s forehead with a glowing hand so Faith’s pretty sure there’s some magic at play. 

“Thanks for the save, Red.” 

“The great Faith Lehane is thanking me?”

“The last you’ll ever get.” Faith grumbles, good natured considering Tara just did her best to kill her. 

“You were about to headbutt her, weren’t you?” Willow hides a smirk.

“What else was I supposed to do? Let her rip my throat out? Also, we’ve seriously gone over a year without you biting me and right at the end-”

“Well! I do believe we should get Tara’s soul returned to her while she’s contained.” Giles tries to interrupt. She’s suffered enough lectures from Willow and Tara that she will not be deterred from the rare opportunity to lecture Tara.

Faith shoots him a look. “Do your thing, I’m not stopping you. I can bitch at Tara while you get her soul back.”

“She’s talented like that.” Willow agrees.

“Let me go.” Tara’s anger is gone, or at least hidden away. She’s trying to appeal to Willow and her. “You promised.” It looks like that hurts if Willow’s flinch is anything to go by.

“I did promise you. After Glory, after what I did, I promised to never let that happen again.” Willow stands strong. Good for her. 

Tara turns to her next, knowing that Willow won’t be tempted. Funny considering Faith was worried that Willow would be the one to get in too deep. “Faith. Please. You understand what it’s like to have things forced on you that you don’t want, you know what it’s like to hate yourself. Don’t hurt me like this.” 

It hits Faith hard but she believes Willow knows best, she remembers Angel and Spike’s discussions about soulless and ensouled life, she thinks about the difference in the two, and she hopes with her whole heart this is what Tara really wants. She hopes they aren’t betting on a bad hand. “I don’t wanna hurt you but I gotta do right by you.” 

Tara’s face goes through a series of expressions while Giles takes a long ass time to do whatever it is he’s doing. “You aren’t capable of caring for anyone but yourself, are you?” Her face twists up and she vamps out again, hate radiating off of her. 

Tara’s eyes light up with a cruel gleam as she opens her mouth again. Faith does something stupid but can’t regret it. She covers Tara’s mouth with her hand. Tara is quick to try and bite, clipping a finger. Faith resituates to where she won’t lose a finger but Tara bites through the side of her hand. 

“What is the point of holding her head back if you’re gonna do that!” Willow sounds harried, watching the blood dribble.

Faith swears up a storm but doesn’t take her hand back. “She was gonna say shit she’d regret. I’m helping!” She can’t even be offended by Tara’s bite. She knows that Tara wouldn’t bite her. Maybe it’s illogical but the Tara she’s spent so much time with wouldn’t hurt her. She might be separating Tara into two selves but it’s the only way that makes sense to Faith right now. 

“Helping in the literal worst way.” Willow replies heated. “You don’t think she’ll regret that?”

“Uhh what’s that saying? Sticks and stones yada yada but words hurt me?”

“Inspirational and wrong in like, every way.” Willow is on a roll. “It’s sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” 

“That’s dumb as fuck, my way is better. Trust me, Red. She’d be all torn up for saying something terrible that she couldn’t take back. My hand will heal.”

“We’re all going to sit down and talk about your deescalation skills.” 

Faith gives Willow a full force grin. “Wait till you see my escalation skills.” 

“Uh, I think it’s happening?” Dawn gestured to Tara’s glowing chest.

Lots of glowing today. 

Faith takes a step back and Willow follows, working on healing her neck. “Vampire bites are harder.” Willow grumpily mumbles. Great, her neck and hand aren’t going to escape without scars. Tara will probably feel guilty about that, she’ll have to make it clear she doesn’t give a rats ass or blame her. 

“I’ll be more careful.” Faith eventually promises, she knows that’s what Willow’s been angling for. 

“That’s all I can ask.” 

They all stand around watching as the glow diminishes. 

Tara looks like Tara, is Faith’s first thought. There’s no real change at first.

Until Tara’s face crumples.

Faith and Willow lock eyes and know they need to get Tara some privacy. Spike, funny enough, comes to their aid. It shouldn’t be a surprise, he’s the only one with any experience getting his soul back and having to face the consequences. “Alright, everyone out.” Dawn looks like she’s about to argue and his face softens. “We can come back later, half bit.” He promises and starts forcibly guiding the rest out.

“Shouldn’t Faith be getting kicked out too?” Xander complains at being manhandled.

Spike meets her eyes with a grim but kind expression. He knows what’s about to happen is going to be hard. “She’s right where she needs to be.” It’s odd how different he is with her compared to the others. She wonders if it’s because he sees himself in her or she’s his project for morality points. 

Tara’s hand shakily goes up to her mouth, which is still covered in Faith’s blood. She looks at Faith with a look of horror. Faith’s quick to sweep Tara in her arms, dragging Willow in with her. “It’ll be okay, Blondie.” 

Tara cries and Faith’s pretty sure she hears Willow and her own heart breaking as well. 

They just hold her and do their best to comfort her. 

Tara stops crying at some point and just holds onto them. 

“Thank you.” She murmurs to them.

“No need to thank us.” Faith replies quickly.

“I didn’t make it easy for either of you but it’s what I want. You were right about that. I’m my own person.” Tara’s voice shakes near the end and Faith holds them tighter. Faith knows about how controlling Tara’s family was, how Glory’s headfuckery messed her up, how Willow’s memory altercation shook Tara’s trust, she understands Tara’s fear better in this moment than ever. Faith didn’t want the ability to choose because she never wanted to control Tara but choosing to get her soul back was the only way Tara could have that independence again. 

She knows the wards are down and the others are waiting to come back in but she holds them through the storm.

Everything else can wait.


	7. Brought Me Out So Easily

“I killed people.” Tara’s voice is broken from crying but Faith still makes it out.

“Not you.” Willow says.

“It was.” Tara answers, so sure in her answer. 

Faith closes her eyes at the pain in Tara’s voice. She has no right to dictate how Tara copes, she reminds herself. She wants to shake Tara, tell her over and over it isn’t her fault, but it isn’t her right. “Neither of us think that but what you believe is up to you. We’ve both killed people too, one person in Willow’s case, even with our souls. If you want to talk about it, we’re here.” Tara nods in the crook of Faith’s neck, Willow and Faith lock eyes with mutual understanding. They want to help Tara but they don’t know how, they fucked up and killed someone without the excuse of having no soul, they love Tara so much that seeing her hurt is a pain of its own kind.

Tara eventually flees to the bathroom and cleans up, telling them to get the others back over. Faith calls them over and tells them to bring food. Willow, bless her, doesn’t leave Faith’s side while Tara is gone. Faith doesn’t hesitate when Willow’s fingers nudge against Faith’s hand, she just laces their hands together. They hold on a bit too tight, a bit too sweaty.

The others arrive with a massive amount of Chinese takeout.

If Faith thought she knew what a real Tara smile looked like, she was an idiot. Tara smiles so wide and happily when she sees Dawn that even if Tara hadn’t reassured them, this is when she would have realized it was the best choice. 

Dawn squeals and launches herself in Tara’s arms and just settles there. Faith rolls her eyes and walks by them, peering into the food cartons. “Ouch.” Xander says when he sees her hand. 

She shrugs, honestly not that phased by it. “It’ll heal.” She loads up a plate and steps up to the door. She takes an unnecessary breath and walks out, sitting on the porch. The breeze is nice and after over a year of not being outside, it’s exactly what she needs.

“Running already?” Buffy asks, sitting next to her.

“Can’t you tell? I’m already crossing state lines.” Faith replies dryly.

Everyone else starts filtering out, clustering together on the porch. Dawn stays tucked into Tara’s side and pulls Willow on her other side. Her eyes bounce wide between them like she can’t believe she’s really able to touch them, worried that they’ll disappear. Spike stands close to Tara, eyes mostly on Buffy. Xander sits with Anya, keeping up a solid conversation with Willow. Giles hovers near Buffy and her, not saying much.

“So, what’s next?” Buffy asks her. 

Faith scoops up her fried rice. “Back to prison?” Activity dies down around the porch.

“Is that what you want?” Buffy asks, looking out at the street rather than at her.

Faith suddenly feels like she should have an instruction manual for this conversation. “Murder charges are pretty hefty, in case you forgot. I still got time on my sentence.”

“Is that what you want, though? Finish out your sentence? A slayer behind bars, doing nothing.”

Faith tries not to get irritated. “Not really sure what you’re getting at, B.” 

“You could finish your sentence in their jails, or you could finish it out here. You’re a slayer, you’re meant to slay. I’m kind of tired of having to carry the apocalypse gig out alone.”

Faith opens her mouth and closes it. She looks out at the street too. 

She needs to be held accountable for what she did. That’s why she went to prison. She needed to own up to what she did. She needed to show everyone, including herself, that she was capable of change. She wants to try and even the scales, like Angel said. Would staying in Sunnydale really be adequate reparations? 

She wants to stay for selfish reasons. 

Mainly, two reasons.

It’s different kinds of justice, she thinks. In prison she could be rehabilitated or punished, depending on who you ask. Out here she could do something. She doesn’t want the easy way out but prison could be the easy way at this point. She doesn’t work on doing more good than bad there, she just exists. Out here, she could put the work in. Do patrols, stop big bads, try and keep Buffy from wearing herself out.

Is that true, or is it what she’s trying to tell herself? She knows she doesn’t want to go back. She knows the thought of leaving what she found here and going back to silences and nothingness isn’t appealing.

“What are you thinking?” Buffy asks.

“Whether staying would be selfish or not.” Faith answers, leaning back. She doesn’t like being honest with this many people nearby but she trusts Buffy to be real.

“Depends on your definition of selfish.” They still aren’t looking at each other. Is that the only way they can communicate? 

She wants to ask Buffy so many questions.

What do you want?

Would you be okay with it?

Would you hate me if I stayed?

Do you hate me?

Can you forgive me? 

Can you trust me enough to slay with me?

“What are you thinking?” Faith asks instead, repeating Buffy’s own words. Does Buffy hear all the questions underneath? Does she even know Faith or what she thinks anymore? Did she ever?

Buffy exhales shakily. “I think you should stay.” It’s said like a confession and Faith knows them enough to know it is. She heard Faith’s questions, all of them, and answered.

They finally look at each other and Faith feels some weight lift between them.

They can’t ever go back to what they were but maybe that’s for the better, maybe they can be something better.

“What would staying entail?” Faith asks and Buffy actually smiles. 

“You can stay with Dawn and I.”

“You could stay with us.” Willow cuts in. “I mean, if you want to. You don’t have to! Of course, you’ve spent the last year with us and you’ve been in this house for so long. I’m sure you want a change of pace. You’re probably tired of us. I don’t know if Tara is going to stay with me either actually. Oh goddess I-” 

Tara cuts Willow off with a quick but soft kiss. “Breathe.”

“Breathing is important.” Willow nods her head, looking at Faith nervously.

If they were alone, she’d tell Willow she could never get tired of them. She doesn’t need or want a change of pace. “Stay with us?” Tara asks, already smiling like she knows the answer. Knowing Tara, she probably does.

She still doesn’t know how much is real, how much Tara there was around. If Tara gives a shit about her. “Yeah?” Her question comes out with way too much emotion and a bit too tender for her liking, she feels Buffy’s eyes on her and she ignores it.

Tara smiles a bit wider, her eyes warm enough to melt away Faith’s last walls. “Yeah.” Willow looks relieved she didn’t misstep and sends Faith a dorky smile.

“So, we stay here in this house that you magically conjured for us. I go patrolling with B. I honestly don’t know what you two did before. I can get a job. Scratch that I can harass B at hers.”

“I was owed a favor, that’s how we acquired this house. It was a temporary arrangement. I suppose I could renegotiate, get it signed over to you. It would be safer.” Giles explains.

“Talk about the wrong house to walk into.” 

“You’re staying here? With them?” Buffy sounds surprised. 

Faith laughs and stretches her arms over her head before laying down. “Jealous? Don’t be too offended. I would love to play roomies with you. Argue over who’s taking too long in the shower, bite my head off over making the house smell like smoke, watch you prance around in a little towel that’s doing very little to cover you-”

“You’re a pig.” Buffy snorts. 

“You could peep me in a towel, I’m all about equality.” 

“But?”

She has a lot of things she wants to say, words she isn’t ready to say and she’s pretty sure Willow and Tara aren’t ready to hear. “I’m good here.” Faith answers, reaching a hand out to Spike. He grumbles about her eating up his wallet but he still passes a carton of cigarettes. Buffy immediately moves away and Faith has to grin at that.

It’s nice being able to leave the house.

Faith starts on patrols, sometimes alone and sometimes with Buffy or one of the gang. She also installed a porch swing because she doesn’t like staying cooped up in the house.

Some of the others don’t understand the three of them living together or staying at that house. It’s a good house. They didn’t have a horrible time in it, Faith actually feels like she could call it home. She does enjoy being able to take walks whenever she wants.

Tara is having a rough go of it. She has nightmares and they’ve all taken to sleeping in the downstairs room. Willow and her do their best to be there for Tara without smothering her. Faith tried moving to the upstairs room one night, to give them their privacy, and woke up with both of them sleeping on her. They stick to the room downstairs.

They make the upstairs room for guests but really it’s for Dawn. Faith even went to some nerdy comic shops and found posters for comics she has listened to Dawn talk about. Tara kissed her again on the cheek when Faith brought them home and Willow beamed, hugging her tight. Dawn looks so happy when she sees the room that she pulls them all into an even tighter hug. Faith is getting a lot better with the whole hugging thing. 

“So, Blondie.” Faith starts casually. She’s actually cooking, trying to get better at it even though she’s not big on it. Still, she sees Tara’s point. A girl’s gotta be able to provide for herself beyond frozen meals. 

Agency, something she learned has been taken from Tara one too many times and something she’s still learning for herself. It takes everything in her not to hunt Tara’s family down like rabid dogs after Tara tells her the whole story one night.

“Yes?” Tara asks, looking up from her book. Nerd.

Faith runs test words through her head, trying to find which sound best. “Watch as a slayer in the wild attempts the difficult task of finishing her thought.” Willow narrates.

“She notices her company’s teasing and does not appreciate it. This can be seen by how she rests a hand on her hip.” Tara plays along.

“The hand on the hip along with the towel tucked into her pocket diminish the whole intimidating slayer act.”

“Okay smartasses, see if I talk to either of you again.” Faith turns back to her pot and she hears Tara pad up behind her.

“What is it?” Tara asks, turning Faith around to face them.

“Willow and I talked some, back then. I know I thought about it a lot, I’m pretty sure she did too. We know there’s a difference between then and now. Soulless versus ensouled and all…” Faith trails off.

“You’re wondering what was real and what wasn’t.” Tara infers. 

“Yeah.”

“I’ve been talking with Angel and Spike about it. I’ve come up with my own conclusions too, I’ve done some research. I don’t have a clear definite answer but I have my own opinions. I agree more with Spike’s line of thinking. There is some crossover. She, I, however you want to think about it, did play it up. It was in part an act to get you both close, to try and escape. It wasn’t just a plot though. A lot of it, most of it, was real. What she, or I, said was what I would have said. The hurtful things aside. A lot of it is what I would have done. It’s weird and I struggle with it. It’s not a clear division. The lines are…muddy.” 

Faith nods, squeezing Tara’s hand. “Good to know. Just for that, I won’t put garlic in.” 

It’s more than good to know. It’s incredibly confusing and Faith isn’t really sure what to think. She was so sure it was all just a plot and wasn’t genuine that when Tara says the opposite, Faith doesn’t know how to take it. If it’s all more or less real then what does that mean for them? 

She goes on a solo patrol and ends up running into six vampires. She takes care of them and decides to burn off her excess energy at the bronze. She ends up dancing with a girl for an hour before she gives Faith the look. Faith considers it, almost takes the girl’s hand, but ultimately shakes her head.

She doesn’t know where she fits with Willow and Tara or if she does. She doesn’t know if she wants to risk it. She just knows she doesn’t feel comfortable being with anyone else while she’s in this state of not knowing. Even if they don’t feel any particular way about her, she feels it about them. 

Even if it’s been over a year since the last time she’s been with someone, she decides to go home.

She finds Buffy fighting a scaly demon and jumps in, yanking it around and shoving a knife into its shoulder. Buffy takes it down from behind. 

“Thanks.” Buffy rubs at her already bruising arm.

“Should I put it on my community service tab or will you?”

Buffy bumps into her. “What are you doing around? I thought your patrol ended already.”

“Hit the bronze up. I’m on my way home now.”

“I’ll walk with you.” 

“What are you doing up? Don’t you have to get to your burger place tomorrow?”

Buffy shudders at the thought. “No, I quit. I’m working at the new high school.”

Faith walks up her porch, keys in hand. She leans against the doorframe. “You voluntarily went back there?”

“It paid better and I like what I’m doing.”

“You didn’t take over Giles’ library did you?” She can’t help the hint of judgement in her tone. She might be into two nerds but that doesn’t mean either Buffy or her are allowed to be seduced into their bookish ways. They hit things exceptionally well, she won’t let anyone taint that with tweed.

“Even I couldn’t pull off the tweed-” Ha, Buffy still gets it. “-I’m a guidance counselor.” 

“You’d be good at that.”

“I feel like you’re supposed to be mean here.”

“Want me to be?” Faith offers to Buffy’s amusement.

Buffy’s looks like she’s considering something. She walks up to Faith, closer than she usually gets. She’s got that look on her face, a look Faith hasn’t seen directed at her in years. A look Faith would have done anything to receive once upon a time. “You look like you’re still pretty awake.” Considering she slayed a bunch of vamps, raunchy danced with someone and then declined her offer, and then slayed with Buffy, pretty awake is putting it lightly. “You could come back to my house.” 

Faith spent years in love with this girl, she would have done anything for her and then anything to destroy her. For so long, she revolved around Buffy. She hung on Buffy’s every word. In every other world, she’d quickly agree. It should be everything she wants. It was, once upon a time. 

She wasn’t lying to Spike. He’d asked and she’d answered. They just aren’t this way anymore, Faith isn’t this way anymore. It’s not how they’re gonna work, not as friends or colleagues or whatever they end up being. This chapter is officially closed. They tried it before and it ended terribly. “I gotta check up on Miss Kitty Fantastico the Second.” 

Buffy looks confused but relents, accepting the gentle refusal for what it is. Faith can tell it doesn’t compute, that Buffy thought it was a sure thing. Fuck her, does that mean Buffy’s known all along? 

“That’s not her name and you know it.” Buffy says instead.

“Tara’s Emergency Meal makes them bitch me out.” Faith shrugs.

Buffy smiles even if the confusion and awkwardness of rejection hangs around. “That’s not her name either. I’m pretty sure that’s offensive to vampires too.”

“Alright, settle down queen of vampire rights.”

Buffy looks towards the house and back to Faith. “Out of the two of us, you’re the one living with a vampire.” 

Touché.

It’s pointed but not cruel, they haven’t fought since Tara got her soul back. A tentative peace that’s becoming less tentative as the days go on. 

“I’ll see you later.” Buffy bows out, with much more dignity than Faith would have managed.

She wonders why Buffy made a move, why tonight of all nights. She knows Buffy just wanted a tumble, she knows that as of recently that’s how Buffy sorts through her shit. What shit needs sorting? She hopes whatever it is, Buffy finds something to help her get through it. 

Faith lets herself in and takes her jacket and boots off. Willow and Tara are in bed so she does her best to be quiet when she slips off her pants and crawls in bed, too lazy to shower.

She’s still not really tired and ends up staring at the ceiling, thinking.


	8. I Saw a World Enchanted

Willow and Tara are being weird, she knows they’re being weird. Worse, she’s being weird about them being weird.

It’s a lot of weirdness.

Surprisingly, Buffy and her aren’t being weird. They slay, they joke, Faith tries to help with the darkness around Buffy’s eyes. Buffy isn’t as bad as when Faith first got here and things are looking up.

So with the weirdness and a mending friendship with Buffy that’s only barely not a gaping wound, it’s Willow’s birthday.

It’s a good thing everyone comes over for Willow’s birthday. Great thing. Amazing. She’s stoked about it.

Xander crunches a chip and she wants to punch him. She exercises amazing self-control and doesn’t. It’s not his fault she feels so on edge after all. She really has learned a lot over the years. Younger Faith would have just decked him out, damn the consequences.

“How was prison?” Anya asks her as they all sit around.

“No one fucked with me so it was mostly fine. Trish was dumb enough to steal from me but she also took my side in fights so I couldn’t really hold it against her. The blankets sucked. Guards were mostly assholes. Pretty quiet, monotonous. Did a lot of mandated therapy.”

“That’s not as exciting as I was expecting.” Anya frowns.

“Not exactly like the shows.” 

“I can see why you didn’t want to go back.” 

“One thing prison doesn’t have though.” Faith leans towards Anya, as if about to part with a great secret. “Bunnies.”

Anya’s eyes gloss over for a moment. “Anya, you can’t go to prison to avoid bunnies.” Xander is quick to cut in.

“Well why not!” They start arguing and Willow nudges Faith.

“You thought we were going to send you back to prison before Buffy said you should stay.”

“Yeah?”

Willow looks frustrated and Faith isn’t sure why. “Did you always think that?” 

“I was kinda serving time, the only reason I was broken out was to help out.” 

“The whole point was for you to own up to your actions and heal, you did both. Any longer makes no sense when you can be out here.”

Faith is really confused now. “Yeah that’s why I’m here.”

“Did you think we’d kick you out?” Willow follows up.

“You didn’t.” 

“You weren’t going to ask to stay.” Tara says, joining the conversation. Willow looks pissed by this point and Faith isn’t really sure what she did now. Tara looks tense but not pissed.

“You two are together, it’s your house. I probably would have rented out a room at the motel or stayed with B.” She definitely would have stayed at the motel, staying with Buffy would have been a disaster in the making. 

Willow looks angrier and Faith still isn’t getting it. “We would never kick you out.” Faith really doesn’t want to be on Willow’s bad side. Willow’s temper runs hotter and longer than just about anyone else’s in Sunnydale. 

“I’m confused.” Faith decides to just say it so they can stop being cryptic. The best way to communicate is to clear the air or some garbage like that.

“I think Willow and I are just both realizing you spent the whole year with us thinking you’d be shuffled back into a cell after. You helped everyone in this room somehow and still expected nothing in return.”

“I was in prison, I hurt everyone here. It’s not really selfless help if it’s in attempts to make up for the past.” 

Willow opens her mouth and snaps it shut, stopping herself from saying something. She looks towards Tara, as if imploring her to say something. Tara just gives her the same look back. “You’re just repeating the same facts, sweetie.” Faith smiles before her brain catches up with her at the pet name. Tara has never called her that. “What we’re struggling with is that you spent every moment with us expecting to be tossed aside after. You thought none of it would last.”

Faith is pretty sure Tara is alluding to the thing they don’t really talk about, the thing Faith wonders sometimes if she’s making up in her head. The big Them, a possibility only flirted with and quickly retreated from. All her hopes and desires that she tries to fight because she knows it’s useless to carry this torch, that it’s dangerous, even as she wants it more than anything.

She gets what they mean now, she’s talked about it enough in therapy to be an expert on it even if she falls into old patterns of thinking. It’s hard to change patterns of thinking so deeply ingrained. She tries though, she’ll keep trying. Healing is never over.

She spent most of the year rehabilitating and monitoring the other two. She talked them through their new experiences, showed them coping methods she knew, talked about their histories and feelings. She talked about herself but not even remotely as much. She doesn’t tell anyone about her past. 

So how’s she supposed to explain her fucked up head and the way she deals with things? How’s she supposed to explain that being shuffled off is a summary of her entire life?

They know she has issues. They know better than most her going off the deep end wasn’t just because she’s evil or killed Finch. It started before that, it was just the catalyst.

She can’t tell them, the two women she realizes she cares deeply for, how afraid of love she is. How she’s terrified of letting people in, how she isn’t used to or even able of really comprehending being wanted, she doesn’t even know what a home or family looks like. She’s used to slammed doors and screaming matches. She’s used to being the replacement slayer, the quick kid on the streets, the girl you stick in a motel and forget about, the recipient of everyone else’s pain. 

She’s used to breathing fire and tearing down everything around her so that no one can see the deep wounds they leave her with.

She can’t exactly tell them all of that. 

“You get used to getting kicked out after a while.” She settles for a less honest truth but still a truth, still more than she would share in any other circumstance. They, more than anyone, deserve some truth.

By their knowing gazes, she’s sure they gleam more than she’s letting on. “I promise, we won’t ever kick you out.” Tara swears quietly but fiercely. 

“Unless they need time to- ow!” The sound of Anya slapping his arm makes Faith smile.

Willow gives her a heated look that Faith’s pretty sure means no, not even then, especially not then. She could also be projecting. She probably is. 

That is, until Buffy yanks her up by the collar of her shirt and pulls her into the kitchen. “What’s got your panties in a bunch?” Faith tries to fix her rumpled collar. Honestly, Willow just bought her this shirt.

“When were you going to tell me about _that_?”

“My crippling abandonment issues?” Faith quips.

“No! Let’s circle back to that later. I meant that!” Buffy waves her arm in Willow and Tara’s direction.

“Nothing to tell, B.”

Buffy looks like she’s just gaining speed. “That was not nothing. That was you drawing a heart on the window.” Yikes.

Faith flinches jokingly. This isn’t something she wants to take seriously. “Coming for blood.”

Buffy crosses her arms but looks calmer. “I’m doing better. Dying messed me up and I eventually realized how much I was lashing out at you. I was doing it for a lot of reasons. Everything between us and everything since I came back, it was convenient.”

“I don’t blame you.” Faith reassures her and Buffy huffs.

“I’m trying to be your friend, I want us to be friends. I’m sorry for the things I’ve said and done. I’m taking a page out of your book and working on myself. As a friend, I can’t help but notice your insane crush on her other friends. Work with me. Why don’t you blame me? I mean other than the whole guilt thing over trying to ruin my life.”

“Let me put it this way. How’s breaking your murderous ex out of prison to help save your best friend and her girlfriend while balancing post-death trauma, economic struggles, taking care of your younger sister, and a complicated relationship with a soulless vampire oh wait now he has a soul, going for your blood pressure?”

Buffy’s eye twitches at the summation. “It sounds bad like that.” 

“I gave you some grace, even if you annoyed me. Especially when I wanted to knock your lights out.”

“Ex! Insane crush! Complicated relationship!” Xander bursts in, looking like a drowning fish.

Faith freezes and Buffy closes her eyes. “We forgot we have the nosiest friends in the world.” Buffy groans.

“They’re your friends, not mine.”

“You slept on Xander’s shoulder last week. That’s pretty friendly, too friendly I might say.” Anya narrows her eyes at Faith. “He better not be the one you have a crush on.”

“Threats only make me like you more.” Faith replies.

“Should I get everyone out of here now?” Buffy asks.

“Probably best.” 

“The kitchen is not a great place for private talks, noted.”

“You’ve never been discreet in your life.”

“What I was trying to say before is that you can talk to me.” Buffy offers awkwardly, getting used to the new nature of their relationship. 

“Same, B. I don’t know if you love him or not but you have the right to decide that on your own.”

Buffy stops for a moment. What if I do love him?”

“It doesn’t change a thing. You’ll still be you and I’ll still make fang banger jokes. He’s an annoying bastard but he loves you.”

“A ringing endorsement. And if I don’t?”

“You don’t owe him anything. Just because someone loves you, you don’t need to love them back. It doesn’t matter that he got his soul back, he did that on his own. You’ll find someone you do love and I’ll take you out to set you up with idiots in the meantime.”

She has Buffy’s back no matter what, more or less. Personally, she doesn’t think she and Spike should try it anymore than Buffy and Faith should. Some people just don’t work and Buffy and Spike started their relationship in a dark ugly place. She’ll warn Buffy if she decides to pursue him, maybe share her thoughts, but it’s ultimately Buffy’s choice. It’s her heart and she’s got to follow it.

Buffy laughs and for the first time, Faith’s pretty confident they’re okay. “I’ll get everyone out of your hair so you can talk.” Faith feels overwhelmed at that, she wasn’t exactly planning on talking about it. Buffy notices and points her finger into Faith’s sternum. “You’re talking to them.” Buffy ushers everyone out and Faith stands in the kitchen a bit longer.

Tara and Willow are sitting on the couch waiting for her.

“How much of that did you hear, exactly?”

“A rough estimate?” Tara asks.

“All of it.” Willow answers.

“Great.” Faith sits down on a chair instead of the couch.

“So.” Tara pats her knees, looking at Willow and Faith.

“Buffy totally wigged when I told her about Tara and me but she secretly dated you.” WIllow frowns, taking a leap into the conversation.

“That’s probably why, Red. A montage of my best hits went through her head and she worried Tara would try and kill you.”

“Was all of that post-breakup rage? Get back at the ex by trying to kill her?” Willow’s face looks awfully adorable when the stakes are high in this conversation. It looks like Willow’s processing a lot, going over memories with this new knowledge.

In for a penny, in for a pound. “That’s what you’ve got to look forward to.”

Tara beams and Willow leans forward. “Oh, so we’re talking about it?”

“I’m pretty sure you heard.” Faith nods back at the kitchen.

“About the insane crush?” Tara prods.

“How big of a crush are we talking about?” Willow teases.

“Red, you dated Tara for how long before asking her out? Don’t get cocky now.” Willow should be the last person to tease her. 

“Oh, defensive. You pined after Buffy for how long?” Willow shoots back ruthlessly, her smile growing too large. 

Faith clears her throat, weighing her answers for that. “We weren’t sure if you were in love with her or not.” Tara speaks up, her tone gentle like she doesn’t want to spook Faith. She gets it, she’s not the best at talking about her emotions after all. 

Willow smiles wryly. “We didn’t want to make a move if you were really after Buffy the whole time and just had the hots for us.”

Faith isn’t sure she wants to get into all the complicated feelings and history she has with Buffy. Buffy was her first real love and as a result, it was raw and chaotic. Faith wanted all of Buffy, wanted her every second and all of her attention. She wanted and wanted and wanted until there was an aching chasm that no one could fill. Faith got her first taste of something real and choked on it. She soured it.

Now? She can’t imagine ever functionally being with Buffy. They fight so much, one wrong word and they’ve stepped on an emotional land mine. They’re getting better and might be in a good place, the best place they’ve ever been in. She values her friendship with Buffy, she feels connected to her through the slayer bond, but Faith knows anything romantic between isn’t a possibility. They become their worst when they want more.

Faith decides to try and find a way to talk about it all later, she wants it to be more sorted and clear before tossing it on Willow and Tara “Hots?” She decides to pick on Willow’s word usage instead.

“It seemed like something you’d say.” Faith’s lip twitches. This fucking girl, honestly.

“We’re not oblivious and we’ve been approaching this for a while.” Tara interjects.

“Were we dating and not labeling it? It’s becoming a pattern for you two.” They didn’t bite at her distracting comment so she leans back in the chair, rubbing her hand on her jeans. “I’m not in love with Buffy, if that wasn’t clear. I was. I was for a long time. We had a bit of a messy relationship mostly consisting of her trying to forget the boyfriend she sent to hell and me not knowing how to deal with feelings.”

“Because you’re an expert now?” Willow asks teasingly but her smile is soft, like she’s acknowledging how far Faith has come with that simple gesture. It makes Faith smile just as honestly, she has. She isn’t an expert, she still struggles, but she’s better.

“Obviously.”

“We overheard Buffy and you, when she asked you to go back to her place. Why didn’t you go with her?”

Faith stretches a leg out and nudges Tara’s foot with her own. “You still gotta ask? You know why. Same reason I didn’t go back to a girl’s place back at the bronze. Same reason I came back here instead.” 

“So, we’re doing this. Right? The three of us?” Willow double checks.

“I’m game but I have hang ups. It may be rough going.” Faith warns them.

Tara and Willow nod, acknowledging Faith but beam like they don’t care about how hard it might be. “We’re doing this.”


	9. Lost in Ecstasy

Dawn and Faith are drawing pictures of demons going off the description, both going out of their way to draw as horribly as possible, while Willow and Tara practice magic across the room. Dawn has the glue and is defacing one of Giles’ ancient and important books, tongue poking out as she focuses on lining the drawing up above the words. “This is our best work yet.” Faith laughs and grabs another sheet of paper. Terrible the drawing may be but they’re very accurate to the descriptions so Giles might not be too angry.

Willow and Tara start chanting and Faith wonders if they even know what they’re saying. They seem careful and smart enough to translate spells before practicing them, she hopes at least. “How’s it going now that Tara’s ensouled?” Faith asks, shading a tail that looks more like a cone. At least she hopes it does. Being purposefully this bad is an art form of its own.

“Buffy’s doing a lot better. She apologized to me, actually. She said she was in a bad place after coming back but seeing Spike get his soul back voluntarily, seeing how good you’re doing, and the three of you together she knew that it could get better. I think it gave her hope again.”

Faith narrows her eyes. “Why did you say hope like that? It’s not a _Star Trek_ thing is it?”

“It’s _Star Wars_ you buffoon! Go back to prison, I don’t need an out of touch gay aunt in my life.”

“You think those two are more in touch then me? I’m the coolest member of the gang, that’s my thing!” 

“Xander has always been the coolest.”

Faith gags. “You have the worst taste.”

Dawn flushed scarlet red. “Shut up.” She hisses.

“It’s okay, Little D. One day you’ll meet a special boy who doesn’t talk with his foot in his mouth.” 

“You’re unfair to him! He’s not that bad!”

“I’m pretty sure his go to reaction to figuring out about Willow and Tara was to-”

“She’s a child!” Willow calls out.

Faith sends an unimpressed look at Willow. “The fact you knew exactly what I was going to say speaks to how much a sleaze bag he is.”

“He’s grown, he learns.” Dawn defends.

“Alright, alright. Enough about your hopeless crush.” 

“You’re the worst. This is why you’re my least favorite aunt.” 

Faith grins. “Oh, really? I guess my extra ticket to that new _Starcraft_ movie will go to waste. I could take B, she is my favorite Summers after all.” 

“What!” Dawn tackles Faith and screams in her ear. “Xander said they were sold out for the whole week!”

“I threatened him to secrecy.”

“It’s supposed to be promised to secrecy.”

“Pacifist propaganda.” 

“We’re seriously gonna go watch it together?” Dawn asks, the kid always afraid of being forgotten. Faith gets it. A large part of Dawn has to struggle with the fact she was inserted in their lives with fake memories. She probably fears that they’ll break and she’ll just disappear or that no one really sees her as a real person. It’s why she needs more attention than she gets. She needs to be reassured that she’s real, that her life matters, and that they want her around. 

“Yeah, it’s just us so you’ll have to be okay with me not knowing anything about it.”

Dawn’s eyes get watery and Faith tries not to panic. “That’s alright, I’ll explain it to you.” 

Faith ruffles Dawn’s hair and goes back to drawing the cone.

The chanting continues and Dawn chatters away about Jedi and Sith and whatever the fuck a Skywalker is.

Her eyes catch on Willow and Tara even though she’s supposed to be drawing, she can’t help herself.

Faith is relieved that Tara can still access her magic. She can’t imagine being disconnected from her slayer. They’re smiling throughout their spell. The wind around the room picks up and Faith feels her heart speed up when she sees a pencil floating. She walks over and pockets it, wondering if she needs to vampire proof their home. She looks back to see Tara watching her with an amused expression. Faith nods her head back at Willow. Pay attention, she mouths.

“And you say I’m pathetic over Xander.” Dawn gripes.

“Yeah but I’m in a relationship with them and the closest thing you have to one with Xander is the doll you probably married as a twelve year old.” Faith probably deserves the punch in the arm before Dawn storms away. Faith laughs hard enough she gives herself side stitches. Willow’s standing over her and Faith swallows harshly, trying to stop her laughter, expecting a lecture. Instead, Willow almost pulls Faith out of her seat to kiss her. 

Faith might not always be the quickest at getting things but when one of her girls is kissing her, she’s quick to reciprocate. 

Willow’s lips taste like an oil they’d used before they started their spell. Rose and something grassy, altogether not unpleasant. Her lips tingle like her throat still occasionally does, it’s a warm pleasant buzz. Faith pulls Willow closer, not wanting her to pull away. She drapes an arm around Willow’s shoulders. She trusts Willow not to drop her tenuous hold on Faith’s jacket.

“Aw!” Dawn squeals, apparently too excited to remember she was angry at Faith.

Willow pulls back with a smile that looks like she’s proud of herself. If Faith were a lesser woman, she’d be dazed. As is, she would like to keep being kissed. 

“Not that I’ll ever complain about either of you kissing me but why now?” Faith asks since it is technically her first kiss with either of them.

“You said relationship.” Tara answers, looking a little flushed. 

“Yeah, isn’t that what we are in?”

“You avoid the word like the plague.” Willow shrugs, sitting back down near their rune. Faith almost protests at Willow moving away but figures Dawn wouldn’t let that go. 

“Oh.” Faith hadn’t been aware she’d been doing that. She has spent so long afraid of relationships and what they mean that she’s still been struggling. She wants it to work, she wants to do better for them. “That’s something you like to hear?” Faith checks.

“You like it when Tara calls you sweetie.” Willow answers as if it’s obvious which she guesses it is.

Faith nods and knows she has an overly serious expression right after having the daylights kissed out of her but this kind of thing is important to her. She’s going to mess up in a million ways and she knows she’ll piss them off but she wants to get as much right as she can. “I know I’m not the best at communicating things and that’s why I need you two to tell me these things. I’ve got no way of knowing what you want if it isn’t clear to me.” 

Tara and Willow look at each other and back to Faith. “We can work on communicating more.” Willow promises.

“We like you acknowledging our relationship.”

“I like pet names too but you already call us nicknames so…” Willow says. 

“Terrible nicknames.” Dawn critiques.

“Don’t hate, I carefully created them.”

“It’s just our hair color!” Willow protests.

“Carefully. I did think about changing your nickname when we first got here but I decided veiny just didn’t have a ring to it.”

Willow twitches. “Sorry about all of you having to see me like that.” 

Tara pats Willow’s hand and Dawn gives her a reassuring smile. “I’m not.” Faith mutters.

“What?” Willow looks confused.

“While I prefer the happy peaceful version of you, I am still dreaming about your whole dark villain look.”

“I don’t know how to feel about that.”

Faith whistles. “I sure do.” 

They take their relationship slow, or at least Faith does. She doesn’t want to rush in and mess things up. Yes, she’s been living with them and attracted to them for almost a year and a half but she’s scared. She messes up the most important things in her life and she can’t shake the worry this will just be the next thing she destroys.

Tara’s kisses on Faith’s cheek get closer to her mouth but they still haven’t kissed, Willow has kissed her once since. She’s pretty sure Tara wants Faith to make the next move and she’s working on it. Luckily, Tara never pressures her about it since Faith already overthinks it in her own head.

Willow’s talking a mile a minute about a chatroom about demonic influences. Willow has very unfortunately introduced Faith to more of the internet and now she’s learning about things like blogs and chat rooms. Faith doesn’t really care much about them and she doesn’t see their purpose but she does like ordering outrageous weapons online and telling Willow she did it to become more familiar with the internet. 

Faith accidentally bumps into Willow again and she smiles. Willow wraps an arm around Faith’s waist and slides closer to her. “So you’ll stop bumping into me.” Willow defends herself, cheeks pinkening. Faith rolls her eyes but can’t help but smile herself. She wraps an arm around Willow and keeps walking. 

Willow kisses her at their door for the third time and Faith knows she needs to get over herself and kiss Tara. 

She can’t help but be afraid. She’s afraid of hurting them and being hurt. 

After a particularly bad patrol with Buffy, she finally says fuck fear. 

Faith trudges into their room grumbling and in a mood. She’s bruised and covered in various demon substances. She smells like ass and feels like she went deep diving in demon guts. She takes her boots off and throws them near a trash bag, they’re dead. She stumbles into the bathroom, cursing under her breath. She’s struggling with her slick belt buckle, her fingers keep slipping off, when she realizes the room is occupied.

Willow’s content, leaning back against Tara in the bathtub. They filled the tub with herbs, flowers, and whatnot, the air smells like magic. Faith can’t or doesn’t stop her eyes from roaming, drinking in the sight of the two of them. 

“There’s enough room for three.” Willow cracks an eye, looking surprised to see how much of a mess Faith is. 

“You can do whatever you want.” Tara adds, trying to take away any pressure on Faith’s decision. 

She wants to slide into the bathtub with them.

She wants to pull them out and towards the bed. 

She wants and wants and wants and she knows there’s an aching chasm but she knows with absolute certainty that they won’t let her fall in. She knows they’ll be there with her, holding onto her or even falling in with her. She isn’t alone in this.

Her wants don’t have to destroy anything. It’s okay to want.

She feels her shoulders relax and a huff of laughter escapes her. She’s been afraid for so long that she forgot with them she doesn’t need to be afraid. They won’t hurt her and they won’t let her hurt them. Tara loved and forgave Willow, Willow fought tooth and nail for Tara, they’d do the same for her. She knows they also wouldn’t put up with anything from her. Tara left Willow when she fucked with her head and Willow never let soulless Tara sway her. 

She doesn’t have to be afraid of them, of their relationship, or herself in this.

She can just love and be loved.

“You look like soup.” Faith jokes but it falls flat when she can’t stop staring at them.

“That has to be the least sexy thing ever said to me while naked. Except there was the time I dreamt of being naked in front of my high school class and Buffy said I looked like a porcupine. I forgot to shave in the dream.” 

Faith shrugs, unrepentant. “Ignoring your almost sex dream about Buffy that we will absolutely revisit, is it better if I say sexy soup?”

“Worse, maybe.” Tara hums.

Faith laughs, looking away from them. “I’m covered in guts. I gotta shower real quick.” 

Faith’s fingers finally manage her buckle and she goes about undressing, playing it up a bit but any reasonable person with their girlfriends watching would. She gets in the shower and tries to pull the partially solidified blue-green guts out. She can feel their eyes on her and she does her best to be quick. 

She turns off the water and grabs a towel, drying her hair and body. She throws the towel in the dirty hamper and turns to see them staring at her. 

“How about I join your sexy soup after?” Faith asks suggestively. Willow almost trips getting out of the tub and Faith catches her. “Smooth, Red.”

Willow blushes but then smiles, leaning more into Faith. “Yeah, it was.”

Faith laughs and kisses Willow quickly, moving to help Tara out of the tub since that’s apparently a difficult task. Faith pulls Tara into a kiss that she’s been thinking of for months. 

Tara reaches a hand up and pulls Faith in closer. It’s a soft first kiss, nothing demanding. It’s different from most of her kisses with other people while she was naked but it’s nice. Another ball of tension unravels and Tara smiles. Faith pulls back with a happy smile and a light feeling in her chest. 

Tara’s hand takes Faith’s wrist and she pulls her towards the bedroom, carefully not tripping over Faith’s discarded clothes. Faith presses closer, chasing after Tara. Her lips land just south of her mouth so Faith follows the path down. She presses her lips tenderly to Tara’s chin and her jaw before pulling her in for a deep kiss. 

Faith loses track of where they are when Tara’s tongue brushes hers. It’s not her fault that she doesn’t even realize how close they are to the bed. They stumble onto the bed and Faith ends up on top of Tara, Willow right behind her. Willow presses her lips against Faith’s shoulders, her hands resting on Faith’s waist.

It reminds her of that day so long ago, with Tara looking up at her as if her gaze alone could drag Willow and her in, hoping they’d all fall together. 

Tara’s lips trace over the healed scar from her nails that always seems to tingle around the two of them, her tongue eliciting a sensation she didn’t know it could. It’s intense, like it’s a spark along a new nervous system. Faith breathes in sharply at the sensation, a hand clutching at Tara’s thigh. “How?”

“Magic, sometimes it leaves an impression.” Willow explains, scraping her teeth against the spot Tara had licked once upon a time. Faith breathes in sharply, both at the sensation and the idea of Willow thinking about this. Faith doesn’t think it’s an accident that the first place Willow really sets her mind to is the same place Tara almost bit her. 

She wonders what was going through Willow’s head when she walked in on Tara and Faith in a compromising position. Faith had thought it was anger or jealousy, and it might have been, but she wonders if that was all. How many times has Willow revisited that memory?

“Red, feel free to mark me up all you want if that’s the result.” Willow groans and reaches a hand around, fingers searching for Faith’s nipple.

Tara’s teeth drag across her throat when she hears Faith’s words and right, she’s having sex with a vampire. She should probably watch talk about marking and biting unless she wants to get bit.

Faith feels herself heat up at the thought and turns her head, pulling Willow into a deep kiss. Willow’s hand abandons Faith’s chest to cup her jaw, fingers sliding into hair. 

She needs to put biting out of her head. She needs to not think about it. 

She isn’t thinking about it.

Fuck.

Tara’s mouth covers her nipple the moment Willow’s hand moves away, she grinds down but finds nothing. She groans, breathing heavy already. She kisses down Willow’s jaw, sucking lightly at the feeling of one of their fingers traveling lower but stopping. 

They’re going to kill her at this rate. She doesn’t need to be worked up, she’s been ready since she walked into the bathroom. Hell, she’s been waiting for this for months. “If one of you don’t fuck me I won’t be held liable for my actions.” Willow shakes with laughter but one of them finally moves their hand lower.

“Goddess.” At Willow’s low comment, Faith figures it’s her. Faith rests her forehead against Tara’s, breathing heavily as Willow almost playfully explores her folds. If there’s ever a time Faith doesn’t want their teasing or playfulness, it’s right now. 

Tara leans close, kissing Faith in between words. “You were wrong, you know. You’ve always been easy to love.” It takes Faith a moment to connect what Tara means. She didn’t know Tara heard that conversation with Spike, she had no clue Tara’s known for so long. 

She might find it awkward if she were in any other situation. As it is she can only push Tara further back so Faith can trail her way down her chest. She rolls Tara’s nipple with her tongue and reconsiders the logistics of their position. She needs Tara to move up, like now. She pushes Tara back some more and tries to lean into Willow to back up but either they aren’t understanding or they aren’t caring. 

Faith huffs. “Will ya fuckin’ move up?” 

Willow laughs again, Tara smiles something fierce and starts moving. If Faith knew having sex with them would mean getting laughed at so much she wouldn’t be here. She might be lying to herself but sometimes one has to lie to themselves.

Tara, damn her, resituates in the opposite way Faith wanted her too. Faith opens her mouth to complain and Tara covers her mouth with her own. Tara takes her hand back and never let it be said that even her girlfriends can get her to stop bitching. “That’s not what I had in mind, Blondie.” Faith would scowl if she were physically capable.

Tara smirks, body flush against Faith’s. “I wanna feel you come, baby.” Faith is not Willow and she has never and will never be called something like baby. She would tell Tara that, at length, but moans indecently instead. Willow, damn her, decided that was the best time to enter her with two fingers. 

She decides to let them ride out whatever fuck-the-slayer fantasies they’ve been storing up and get them back later. It’s not like she’s all that opposed about it even if she doesn’t have Tara’s thigh’s around her head like she wanted.

Faith peaks between her girlfriends, with their lips on her skin and assurances in her heart. Despite their teasing, she feels chosen in this moment. She’s never had people like them. She’s never had someone look at her and decide they want her for her, she’s never been good enough. She’s always been a thing rather than a person. She’s been a good thief, a warm body, a weapon, but it’s been a long time since she’s really thought of herself beyond what she can do.

She doesn’t feel like she has to be good enough with them, she just has to be herself.

“Buffy’s going to tease you next time you see her.” Willow murmurs after Faith calms down, nowhere near done. She’s got revenge she needs to get to.

“Why?” Faith asks, willing her brain to return to full functionality.

“You are aware Tara is a vampire, right?”

“Oh. How would she know-”

“She’s my best friend, I’m telling her everything.” Willow says sternly.

Faith is kinda happy with how everything has turned out and doesn’t want Tara to think she’s even remotely ashamed so she sighs and prepares herself for the teasing of a lifetime from Buffy. “I suppose I deserve it for all my jokes.” 

“You do deserve it.” Tara agrees, nodding seriously.

“My girlfriends, tossing me to the wolves, I knew I got lucky.” 

Faith knows she deserves it. She deserves a lot for all the things she’s done. She deserves some good too. She plans on holding onto them for as long as they’ll let her.

With that in mind, she impressively flips Willow onto the bed.


End file.
